A Rhapsody of Stories, An Anecdote To Be

It is more than just a reverie

2012-01-20T21:56:00.009+08:00

It is the 20th of January, already. Clock is ticking, and time is flying faster each day and before you know it, February is approaching. Which also means the day when I will leave to Australia is getting closer.

It is more than just a silly reverie of mine, the whole furthering my studies abroad thing. I am forever grateful. You know how people always say you don't get everything you want and how in life we win some, we lose some? I might have lost those scholarships to the UK, but I am very much glad I am heading to Australia soon, and getting into the university that I desire, University of Melbourne.

Sometimes I feel like there is a very thin veil that separates gratitude and ingratitude. It is so easy to stray away from being thankful and to fall into the pernicious pit of thanklessness. Because I think we humans always yearn for more and better things in life, and it is really ambiguous how these desires can subconsciously evoke a greater greed that we humans naturally have inside of us. And thus from being humble and grateful we gradually ask for more, complain excessively and forget to appreciate what we have.

This is me speaking from my own experience and I continuously thank God for He has never failed to remind me to be grateful from time to time, of course through His tests and tribulations. I might have had my days when I fail to see that very thin veil, but I never intend so, and I hope that this very thin veil will stay apparent to me for as long as I live.

Now on a less serious note, Melbourne is awaiting and to be honest it is as exciting as it gets! Nonetheless the fact that I am terrible at packing remains unchanged. I have been spending my days at home deciding which clothes or shoes or bags to bring and which to leave behind and seriously this particular activity of mine has been nothing but heart-breaking. I guess being emotionally attached to things has its price.

JPA has yet informed me my flight date so I can't really say anything for sure. But it will be around mid-February. I look forward to meeting new people and taking bazillions of pictures and I am glad that I will have this blog of mine to tell the tale. For whatever it's worth, I think Australia will be amazing.

I might not know what is going to happen or how events are going to unfold but I hope at the end of the day I'd tell myself, I wouldn't want to have it in any other way.

For smiling is what you can do the least (:

-Filzah.R

C'est la vie

2012-01-08T11:50:00.008+08:00

Yes, that is me. Bumblebee living in a girl's body.

I believe I have let this blog dead for quite sometime now that I ought to update things. I do not intend to look back at this blog of mine, say in 5 or 10 years time, only to find out what I personally call my life journal, stops at what month was my last update? Yes, October 2011.

I need to keep this blog of mine going, as a keepsake of what I have gone through every year, though I must admit I have actually tried to write on here, but I ended up mulling on things I wanted to write but failed to do so.

The last time I tried to write on here was during New Year's Eve, thought of writing on how 2011 was for me, what were the highlights of the year, the ups and downs, you know just things that would strengthen what most of us call as memories. My Psychology lecturer once told me (when I was having trouble memorizing facts for exams) that our brains never actually forget, you have got to try remember harder and dig up your memory casket, to find within thousands of things stored. Psychology class has also taught me that although our brains never actually forget, memories do fade away. Memories can be interfered, hence memories may decay over time. Conversely, memories can be rehearsed so they will stay even after a period of time. So you see, this blog and whatever I have written down on here, I hope will help to preserve these memories. Did I mention how much I love Psychology and how interesting the classes were?

Back to my initial point which I might have slightly derailed (can't help having an attention span of a squirrel sometimes) , I ended up not writing anything on New Year's Eve. Maybe apathy got the better of me, that or laziness, or both.

I am not sure the correlation between the weather and my mood to write, but now it is raining and I suddenly have the urge to write something on here. I suppose that is positive correlation, no? So here I am on my bed typing these out. I love how lovely weather always brings the best out of me.

On a different note, I will be leaving Malaysia soon to further my degree in Australia. To be even precise, Melbourne University! Yes, Alhamdulillah I achieved the results I targeted and passed Melbourne Uni entry requirements. I am forever grateful, thank you God.

I am looking forward to the coming three years living in Australia, and experiencing new things, meeting new people, taking pictures with random people, tasting different kinds of food, and along the way learning life. I must admit though the idea of leaving what you have been familiar with is a tad bit terrifying. I guess the hardest part would be leaving my family and friends, for they are home. It is leaving them that feels like leaving home. I have my fears, like how I am going to cope with things I need to familiarise with? Can I manage? Questions like that. But I guess fear is something you need to overcome, not to run away from. I have overcome this same kind of fear four years ago when I left Malaysia to Spain for three months, God willing, I will overcome it for my three years degree life in Australia. So, I would say bring it on degree life!

By the way, do drop by my humble little online shop The White Parcel to check out my pre-loved items that are now up for grab. Thank you in advance if you spread the words around.

I am currently reading The Last Lecture for the second time (I highly recommend you guys to read it). How have you guys been doing? Peachy, I hope.

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."

-Filzah.R

Same months, different years.

2011-10-02T19:43:00.001+08:00

“We should get jersey, ‘cause we make a good team. But yours will look better than mine ‘cause you’re out of my league.”

It feels like ages I haven’t been writing on here. It is always the matter of not having the time, and also not knowing what to write. But the urge of writing is there. It’s the same feeling when you are hungry but you don’t feel like eating, if you get what I’m saying.

But here I am today typing these out because I remember the reason why I started blogging at the first place. Which is to create some sort of keepsake or journal of my life. The same reason why I take pictures. It’s fascinating how the technology today could help in keeping the memories tied close to us, well to me at least. So this post will be just another update of my life, which is now somewhere between mundane and adventurous.

The past few days, or maybe I should say weeks, I have been busy with college, my studies and exams. No, I am not whining. I mean it gets exhausting, I swear to God it is, but well I decided to enjoy and cherish this moment, because for all we know, life only gets harder. And while I have the chance to study and my only concern is either to ace or flunk in my exams, I should appreciate this period of time in my life. I will definitely miss this once I’m done with studying, and my responsibilities get bigger.

WACE, (the name of the external exam for those who’re doing Australian Matriculation) is coming in less than a month. A MONTH. I don’t know if it’s just me but God I really feel like it was just yesterday when I registered at Sunway College University. It is really amazing how time flies. One second it’s September, and in one second it’s October!

I have sent in all the applications for placement in universities in Australia. I have also received the conditional offer from the Melbourne Uni, which is the university I am aiming, so thank you God, Alhamdulillah. Now I need to ace my WACE to support my internal marks.

I should stop talking about my studies before I bore everyone who’s reading (if there is any).

It has been awhile since I last did book reviews, no? I would love to share my thoughts on the books that I have read, if only I have the time. Which I will have soon in November! Because that’s when I will be done with college. I recently went to my favourite bookstore, Kinokuniya and I finally found The Perks of Being A Wallflower! Will start reading it as soon as I finish Last Man In Tower by Aravind Adiga. Which I will try to write a review on it once I have found the time. I actually have like 9 books waiting on the shelves, pending on the To-Read-List of mine, oh well.

At the moment, I have like 123758172351270182357916239192370123129371 things on my To-Do-List, or at least that is how it feels like. So many things. All will have to wait till November.

You know how when you grow up you get to know yourself better? But that’s not always the case, no? At least not all the time for me. I mean, there are times when you feel like the more you know, the less you understand. Here’s a question, what do you normally do when you feel that?

While you’re pondering on that question of mine, well if you are, excuse myself as I will need to continue with my preparation for my Oral Exam tomorrow. Have a lovely and divine October ahead everyone!

-Filzah.R

You tell me.

2011-08-28T00:22:00.004+08:00

How can someone be extremely annoying yet so interesting at the same time?

How can someone make you incredibly happy and then seconds later turn your biggest smile into your saddest frown?

How can myriads of thoughts that are running on this humble mind include you in each time without fail?

How can someone have the ability to make one’s life such misery and glee at the same time?

We say talk is cheap, maybe that could explain why we still buy them.

We say be your freaking self and stop judging, but our judgements are the first one to come to our minds when people start being their true selves.

We freaking say so many things don’t we?

And sadly that’s all it’s going to be most of the times. Saying things.

-Filzah.R

She learned that she was lucky.

2011-08-26T21:04:00.004+08:00

"Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes

Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away

Tried to break my heart

Well it's broke

Tried to hang me high

Well I'm choked

Wanted rain on me

Well I'm soaked

Soaked to the skin"

Zee never thought she had that courage.

She was used to concealing her feelings with her daily life routines, not because she didn’t believe in her heart but too often she was proven wrong that feeling right no longer felt right. But she decided to take that chance of doing things differently.

Zee told herself every now and then to just go with the flow and that she would face the music she had decided to compose. Too soon she was proven right. She was proven right that she was wrong. The thought of figuring things out was only a figment of her imagination because well she had been on the wrong path since the very beginning. Clues and hints she thought was females’ sixth sense were sheer tricks. Tricks of life and its irony. Tricks of her own expectations. She had none to blame except her naïve self.

Zee was hurt, but she didn’t know exactly why. She knew how things would end, and she thought she had her heart prepared. But again, she thought wrong.

Fortunately, Zee was proven right that she was wrong too often that feeling hurt felt normal. It did not take long for Zee to realize that some things are not meant to happen. She then finally found herself laughing again. She found herself appreciating life even more than before. She found herself accepting things.

But acceptance does not mean forgetting. Letting go does not erase memories, no life does not work in that manner. Zee learned this, although in a bitter way, it didn’t matter. She learned, that was what matter.

The memories were always around, lingering on her mind. Zee knew better to just let them be. Trying to push them away would only make things worse, that life has taught her. And so she let them be.

And so she saw images of that smile flickering every now and then. That half smile that looked like an arrogant smirk from afar. That eyes that seemed to hide thousands of stories, eyes that she had to muster every ounce of strength to look at. And every time these images came to Zee’s mind, flickering like old films played on the screen, classic black and white, she couldn’t help but to smile. She smiled because despite things didn’t work the way she hoped them to, she had those images as memories. Bittersweet, she told herself. And then she smiled again.

And that was how she learned that she was lucky. Lucky to find that courage. Lucky to make mistakes and learn from them. Lucky to have these memories. Lucky to be able to feel.

She smiled again and continued her disrupted reading.

-Filzah.R

A bit of it.

2011-08-25T15:41:00.003+08:00

You hold on a string of hope. You tie yourself to the sweet memories. You know how things will end, but you know better that you should keep doing what you are doing. Hoping and having that slightest faith that is inches from slipping away, and appreciating how the sweet memories make you smile.

You thought of doing things differently. Perhaps forgetting everything and refreshing the boring routine of your ways of thinking and taking life in. But this kind of different just did not work, at least for you, you told yourself that. So you went back to the same old road, just thankful. No complaints, no regrets.

Because complaining means you are not grateful and regretting means you are not learning.

- Filzah. R

I admit I care.

2011-07-27T23:24:00.003+08:00

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.” – Martin Luther King Jr

I always ask myself, why I am feeling what I am feeling. The question seems much easier to answer when I am feeling happy and well harder when I am feeling…unhappy. I don’t know if unhappy is the right word, but you know those days when you don’t feel…right? Yes, that inexplicable feeling of discontent. I don’t know if it is just me, or if it happens to other girls with the same old PMS excuses, or if it happens to guys as well. But I get this untitled name of feeling every now and then. I am happy most of the times, I am. But there are days when I don’t feel like talking, and laughing, days where I don’t feel what I normally feel.

It occurs to me that while I am not the only one who might feel this unfathomable feeling of displeasure, to some people this feeling may prolong, hence leading them to the real deal of unhappiness and depression. There is no exact reason to why this feeling prolongs, or to why some people allow this feeling to prolong. Sometimes things just go beyond our control I guess, and feelings are one of them. This some people include a few of my friends and acquaintances, and sometimes me. I normally don’t let it go on. I usually fight this feeling back by doing things that make me happy. Or if it does not work, I will just find good food, or good books, or just sit down and reflect what life has given me. Prayers are my best weapon.

So here’s to you out there if you’re reading this, if you’re feeling this feeling, you are not alone. Do not let it get the best of you, whatever you are thinking, no matter how hopeless or worthless you see yourself as, there is always someone who loves you, and care for you. You deserve to know that your life is worth living, so live. Things may feel like they are falling apart, and everything may not feel right, but eventually you will get through it. I don’t know why I feel the need to blog this out, it just saddens me to see how some people fail to see themselves as wonderful and that they are people who really care. So if you’re reading this, I might be a complete stranger, but just so you know, I care.

Of course the question of why would I care will arise. Unfortunately I don’t quite know the answers. I think I am used to…well being me. I always end up caring, a bit too much. Whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing…I am still unsure. Let’s just leave this one question out, alright? Good.

Anywho, on a less serious note, my two weeks break is ending soon. And my homework is of course not done. God goodness, it amazes me how busy I can be doing nothing. Oh well. I think I spend most of the time going out with friends, catching up on things, and taking pictures. I also went out with my siblings to celebrate my 19th, and wore my new red dress! It’s so hard to find a long dress that suits my height, so having one, in red, makes me happy tee hee.

Have good days ahead lovelies!

That Yellow Mustard Cardigan

2011-07-24T13:58:00.007+08:00

Hello wonderful people, just so you know you are beautiful, in case nobody tells you that today :]

It has been awhile since I blogged on my days, like what I have done for the day, with whom, the pictures, you know those things that I used to blog on back then. Since I have the luxury of time and apparently in the mood to do so, why not, no? So yesterday, a day after my birthday, I went out with my hommies to celebrate it. I also met some of my friends that I have not met for ages. Yesterday was a lovely day :)

And I have more pictures to share in this post, yay! Finally succeeded urging myself to upload it on here, I seriously think my laziness is getting the better of me which is really unhealthy. Oh well. I was wearing this lovely dress from Forever21, and my new lovely yellow mustard cardigan, and matched them with my favourite handbag, the striking turqoise Classic Q Baby Aidan, from one of my favourite designers, Marc Jacob. It was a sunny day, and what I wore yesterday looks lovely under the sun, and in the pictures.

We had lunch at Nandos, did some catching up, and then off we went to a park nearby where we took pictures, and did nothing much except talking and laughing. Oh and singing too since Azri brought along his guitar. It was a simple celebration, but meaningful. Thank you guys, really I love you people. Teehee.

I also met up with Faezza who worked part time at Starbucks didn't know until yesterday. We haven't met for ages, it felt nice to get to catch things up with her yesterday. Then I met Cui Ling, a good friend of mine who recently got back from her 5 months exchange students programme in France. She was as I expected, different, in a good and positive way, I am so glad I introduced the exchange student programme to her.

I should probably stop talking now and just go on with the pictures, so yeah, pictureeees!

It was definitely a splendid time I had yesterday. Wooo I have like one year till I turn 20....

Anywho, the day before that, took some pictures with my younger sister as the photographer, as usual haha, and updated my lookbook after what feels like forever.

I did some colour blocking which involved turquoise, purple, and yellow mustard. The same yellow mustard cardigan matched with a purple top, wore my turquoise shawl that match my handbag, folded the end of my skinny jeans, just a little touch there so my cream wedges are highlighted. Super love the wedges which if you're wondering where I bought it, surprisingly I found it at Voir.

Yes, dressing up has the magic to make me smile and happy, if you have yet realised that. I should blog on my inspirations when it comes to fashion and clothing. What do you think?

When it's no longer all about blowing candles and fancy cakes.

2011-07-22T15:42:00.003+08:00

“There is always, always, always something you can be grateful for. Always.”

First and foremost, I owe an apology to my blog here for abandoning you and for the lack of updates. I have been busy, and even if I did feel like updating my blog, I couldn’t seem to sit down and write things out. Some may regard it as writer’s block, I personally feel it’s due to lack of inspiration and the workload I have and the constant pressure to ace in college, and well, everything.

Today, 22nd July 2011, I officially turn 19 years young, and to be living life so far for nineteen years, I feel like penning down what I feel, think, and hope…so here I am.

It does not surprise me anymore on how extremely fast the time flies…like literally in a blink of an eye it’s July, and even July is ending in like ten days. And now, I am nineteen years old, another one year left till I end my so called “teen life”. I feel…..old. Well I bet that’s how most of us will feel every time our birthdays come, no?

I once read, the past is not really a place for us to stay but rather to visit once in a while, yes something along that line, which I completely agree. So now, I am visiting my past, and reflecting what life has made me into so far, how the past eighteen years of living life has shaped who I am today. I think no word could faithfully justify how grateful I am for this wonderful life I am living, so thank you God, Alhamdulillah.

I could still remember when I was a kid; birthday was one of the things I anticipated. I remember celebrating it with my families, in the living room, and my dad bought fancy cake that had Minnie Mouse and Donald Duck pictures on it, dinosaur’s figures of candy, chocolates and candles, ahhh nostalgic. Birthdays to me when I was little, was a celebration of growing up. Now, birthdays to me is more like a celebration of growing old, if you get what I am saying. Of course, we could always stay young at heart, but the fact that we’re going 18, 19, 20 and so on instead of 20, 19, 18.. remains, no?

Ironic how when I was little I used to wanting birthdays to come faster so I can grow up and do so many things, but now I wish time could probably slow down a little, because apparently growing up most of the times means bigger responsibilities. But I guess one of the perks of growing up, I look at birthdays from a different point of view. Birthdays to me today ain’t all about the cakes, gifts, wishes and balloons, but the fact that I am living another year of life and how amazing my life and the people in it have been, how beautiful life is, these things are what birthdays remind me of. Things that we humans seems to forget because we are too busy focusing on what we don’t have. Things that we fail to realize because we are too busy using our pasts, and sometimes our futures, to escape our present days.

I am reminded again today how wonderful my life has been, and I swear to God I have the most amazing people in my life, even amazing won’t put it to just. Of course I had my fair share of hardships in life, I had my fair share in learning some things are not meant to be, that some things do not work like how we would want them to, that even in the lowest points of your life there are always good things hidden behind them, a bless in disguise.

My wish list would never end if you are asking for one haha, but the one thing I never stop asking God from is for me to live a blessed and happy life with the amazing people I have, and to succeed here in life and in the afterlife. Amen.

I would also like to take this opportunity to sincerely thank everyone for the wishes, be it through texts, phone calls, videos, Facebook, and Twitter, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I have replied to all of them, or so I believe, let me know if I have missed any of them, I wouldn’t want that. My family, hommies, girlfriends, facebookers, tweeterhearts, literally everyone who have wished me, I genuinely thank you. It is also important for you guys to know that you people are beautiful, amazing and wonderful! Never let anyone else you the other way around. Thank you girlfriends and hommies for changing your profile pictures that have me in it, you guys look awesome tee hee.

Thank you again wonderful people, I love you guys! (:

Take care lovely people, hugs hugs hugs ♥

Lonely was the song I sang, 'till the day you came.

2011-07-05T00:11:00.003+08:00

This feeling I am feeling now, it’s like…I couldn’t fathom the right words to describe it, oh well.

I have John Mayer’s live show of Slow Dancing in a Burning Room playing as I am typing this, such voice, blissful. Anyways, back to this feeling I am feeling.

It’s like when you are familiar with the roads in this one place. And then one day you left that place, only to find you went back to that same place years after the day you left it. But because you are so familiar with that place for it used to give you significant emotions and memories, you could still remember some of the roads. Not a clear picture of them, but pieces of them, here and there. You sort of know where are the dead ends, this path brings you to this path, may not be accurate, but you have that feeling of familiarity, feeling that makes you tell yourself I know this place. And then despite knowing which road leads you to a dead end, when the day you came back to that place came, you still took on the road though you knew it will lead you to a dead end. You were not sure whether you will be led to a dead end, because you couldn’t quite remember, but you took on that road nonetheless hoping for miracles. Hoping for your memory of that place to be wrong and that there is another door waiting at the end of the road.

That is what I sort of feeling now. I came back to that same place. I should have known the path I took will lead me to a dead end, but I wasn’t sure, so I went on and hoping for miracles to happen. I went on believing that miracles happen every day and who knows if one fine day miracles strike into my life. I went on grasping not too tightly on sheer hope but strong enough not to let go. So here I am feeling whatever this feeling is named as.

I would like to believe that I am just over thinking things, like I always do. But that wouldn’t change what I am feeling now anyways so why bother. I would like to believe that this is just another PMS moments, and I will get back on the track of optimism and happiness and yeah you know what I am saying, and I hope I am right.

“Because I don't want to end up telling myself, I wish he knew.

But then again I have always known that I will end up telling myself, I wish he knew. “

A tad bit of it

2011-06-06T17:42:00.002+08:00

When people say life is an ongoing learning process where opportunities and chances roll into our lives every single day and mistakes are bound to be made, and to be learned from, I can't help but wonder how much chances I have missed and how many mistakes I have failed to learn from, in fact I have repeated them.

When people say beauty is a subjective matter to be discussed, that every woman is beautiful and it only takes the right man to see that beauty, I can't help but to ponder who has really ever seen me as beautiful?

When people around me are not feeling contented, or in another word, sad, I give the best positive advices I could come up with, but it puzzles me how hard for me to take my own advices when I am the one who is feeling down.

When I tell myself, think of things that make you happy whenever I am sad, I question myself back, what if the same thing that makes me happy, makes me sad?

We could have had it all.

2011-06-05T01:07:00.002+08:00

"You had my heart inside your hand, and you played it to the beat"

It is really the uncertainties that are driving me crazy, isn't it? The questions that I can't seem to stop them from keep coming in, and the answers seems like they are not meant to be found. It is astounding how fate seems to play its role at its best when we least expect it. It is puzzling how some people are meant to meet, and fall in love, but not meant to be together. The doubts that I have in myself are doing a pretty good job in further dragging myself into a mind-boggling imaginary world of mine that is full with questions, mostly the what-if-questions.

It is also funny how you keep on hoping for things despite knowing how hopeless it is. And then you tell yourself that things happen for reasons, yep cliché at its best. And then while hoping for time to help to sort things out for you, that feelings you thought you had forgotten just have to come back, sometimes stronger than before. But it is not because you are not over things yet, it simply because you miss how you felt back then.

Someone Like You

2011-05-29T22:03:00.003+08:00

“Sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead.”

I think the most appealing thing about love is the idea of being in love itself. Butterflies in the stomach, weak knees, smiling to yourself without reasons, you get what I mean. Of course those who have experienced these will probably say relationships are more than the cliché picture of classic love, the fights, the broken promises, the uncertain future, the never-ending questions and the list goes on.

But for those who have not experienced love, or relationships, and know things through movies and novels, including myself, have a slightly different say. We know the idea of love is not all sweet, we know it is more than that. But that does not hinder the questions from crossing our minds. Like how complicated love can be, how bittersweet it makes you feel, how uncertain is uncertain, and the list goes on.

Of course some will say it is better to stay out of love if you are not ready for it. But since when we are really prepared for anything in life? Things come knocking at our doors at the most peculiar time in life. Some will say stay out of love and your heart is safe. Well, I would say that love is something you can’t run away from because when you love, you just do. You may hide, but that feelings don’t simply disappear, at least not easily. But yes, I believe hearts move on as time passed by, the memories may stay, but you will realize the memories are proof that you have learned, from love, from life.

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

2011-04-23T13:14:00.004+08:00

It's a beautiful yet sad song from the ever sexy John Mayer, my blog post title.

I am currently listening to Conor Maynard's cover of it, beautiful voice.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat issssss uuuuuppppppppppppp yoooooo?!

I know right. It's almost the end of April and approaching May. Time flies like a boss. I am sorry it has been ages since my last update here. And if you ask me what is up, EVERYTHING! Which to be honest is all about college, studies, books, test, crush, assignments, numbers....and did I just type crush? wink wink

Let's see I have test every week, assignment due every two weeks, even weekend feels like weekdays! I miss my other half. My family and my hommies. I miss them so much it's driving me insane. It's not even funny. I had an emotional breakdown yesterday. Highly contributed by homesick and stress. I don't know why, it's not like I've never been away from my family, but I guess the stress and exhaustion that I am going through seems manageable when I'm around my family. I'm afraid I need to get used to this if I want to make it through not only to Australia but when I'm in Australia.

It feels like I'm losing my optimism too sometimes. It is annoying. I don't like when that happens. But I guess I am just a human, and as optimistic as I can be, there's always a limit, no? This will be yet another boring post to remind you people that I am still alive and kicking! Well, not really on the kicking part, but you get what I mean. I just realised my followers have reached beyond 200 followers, I don't know what else to say besides thank you for dropping by and reading my blog, you iz all awezome! And of course it was an intended grammar mistake just for the fun of it.

Oh and my pre-loved clothes! Sold a couple of them, which are the denim shirt and the one piece leopard con-dress. Click here to check out what's still for sale!

And so I should continue my revision now, Psychology test next Tuesday! But before that, since I am in a dire need for some positive boost, in which Tumblr always give me, I am sharing this to you lovely people out there.

Oh and I have updated my lookbook! It was a picture taken back when I was home in JB. Hype if you like it!

Outfit details:

Vintage blouse by The Wardrobe

Pleated Skirt from some random shop

Leapord Brogues from Forever21

Backpack from Topshop

Till then, take care beautiful people.

Chic Pop 7 Street Market!

2011-04-03T14:23:00.010+08:00

Outfit details:
Blue Jumpsuit from Cultivation
Navy brown jacket from Setem (at this bazaar in Subang Parade)
Black Velvet Pumps from Forever 21

*credits to Nik for helping me taking these pictures*

Good day everyone! I should start off this post with a warm welcome to April, it is not too late yet right? I genuinely wish and hope April will be a better month for all of us. Time really flies, no?

So yesterday, I had a fantastic and a lovely time with my girlfriends! If you have not heard yet, it was the Chic Pop 7 Street Market yesterday, and my girlfriends and I went there, and we had fun, minus the hot scorching weather. I didn't spend much, just bought one vintage blazer, two lovely shirts, five tank tops of different colours, bangles, and rings. All at reasonable prices.

Of course on top of that, I got to meet lovely people. I met again Mas Angelina of The Wardrobe (mylookbooks.blogspot.com) , Bono from Stellar (stellarwardrobe.blogspot.com) and Shara from ChentaPuteh, met them first time before this during Stellar vintage Bazaar, it was good to meet them again. I also met the stylish blogger Nurul of nurulcakapcakap.blogspot.com and the gorgeous Suri of surimariaaziz.tumblr.com. Beautiful ladies they are!

But I must say the best part of the day, was of course the girlfriends bonding time we had! Especially with Nurul because we hardly meet since she's not doing AUSMAT anymore. After what felt like hours browsing all the clothes of every vendors, drenched in sweat, we decided to have meatballs at Ikea for dinner, and went for a karaoke session. We talked, we laughed, we made ugly faces, we crapped, all in all, we had a terrific lovely time together, yay! :D

Today, unfortunately, I feel like I am having a fever, not a good feeling. Runny nose, sore throat, not fun. So I shall stop now and let the pictures speak! :D

Yours truly :)

With Mas Angelina, a sweet petite girl!

With Bono from Stellar :D

With Suri and Nurul :)

With Suri :)

With Shara! :)

The girlfriends!

With Fariha!

Fariha and Nurul (:

Yours truly again :P

Nik!

Fariha!

Nurul!

PLEASE LA LOL NOW hahaha

Nik, Yna, Nurul and Fariha :)

With Yna comel :D

Ohkay, I should take some rest now, this runny nose and headache ain't helping me much in typing/blogging interestingly. I just want to say thank you girlfriends for yesterday, I had a fantastic day! Love you girls ♥

PS: Regarding my pre-loved items, the denim shirt is sold out, the rest are still up for grab! I have handbags and shoes to sell, coming soon, so stay tuned :P

PSS: Please view my blog on Mozilla Firefox if you can't view it on Google Chrome due to some malware shizz :(

Till then, take care.

You, you are so yesterday.

2011-03-27T23:28:00.004+08:00

"Life is too ironic to understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence." - Tumblr

As I am drowning in the unfathomable presence of laziness and sloth, the emergence of Monday indicates the end of my one week college break has slowly forced me to submerge from this so called short honeymoon which basically consists of me gluing myself in front of the laptop screen indulging and occupying myself with my number one guilty pleasures...Korean dramas. If you're suffering the same guilty pleasure as mine, you should watch Secret Garden, like now. Don't let me start on how suh-weeeeet the story is, 'coz people, you don't want to see how corny I could be, tsk tsk.

And of course effortlessly forgetting(neglecting) all work related to college. But I managed to complete my Accounts assignment at Subang Airport Starbucks, the first thing I did once I arrived. Hm, I am starting to realize I work best under pressure, no? Meh, it could be worst. Or best. Depending on the situations.

Anyways, it is a good thing though having a short break. At least I will not end up drowning in the sea of sloth and die as a slacker. Snapping into the reality yo. Plus, I have been missing my girlfriends in Subang. Oh another good news, I have updated my wardrobe, YAY! I mean maybe, well just maybe I have slightly over-pampered myself, but people cheap, pretty stuff ain't easy to find and once you found them you have got to get them yo, speaking like a ghetto here. What is wrong with me?!

I have finally found a pretty pleated skirt, I feel like a princess whenever I wear it. So flowy-ish. Like I want to just swirl around and around. It is brown in colour by the way. Hm, I think I have just added brown into my favourite colours list. Also bought a black maxi skirt, like finally. And a couple of tops, and a sheer lace half cardigan, cream in colour.

The aftermath of the whole updated wardrobe is of course an excessive amount of clothes, you combine that with limited space of storage, disaster. Therefore, I have brilliantly decided to sell off my clothes! I have actually sold some to my housemates, but I still have clothes I want to get rid off, so yes people, I will put them here on my blog. I will sell them at half the original price, and yes prices can be negotiated. I will update on my Pre-Loved stuff that I want to sell off soon, so keep in touch with my blog, teehee. An advance apology because I think that update will be a bit late, since college has started, and I will be bombarded with tests, again.

Oh and by the way, when I was in JB, of course instead of doing my college workload, I did a so called photo shoot, with my sister, Fairuz, being the photographer, at the same time tolerating and entertaining the annoying side of myself, my vanity, hahaha. Thank you sister ♥

Outfit details:

Floral Vintage Boyfriend Blazer from The Wardrobe
Skinnies from MNG (same old, same old)
Peep toe wedges from random shop in Summit USJ

New look posted on lookbook.nu !

Till then, take care beautiful people.

Vintage Blouse & Black Velvet Pumps

2011-03-20T13:40:00.000+08:00

Hello lovely people, I hope everyone is doing peachy and dandy as candy, I know I am!

I am now safe and sound in JB, home sweet home, for a one week break, which to be frank is not enough, but it's okay, I take whatever college days off I can. It has been tiring and stressful for the past few weeks that one week break feels...awesome! Ahhh, it is so good to be home.

So yesterday, I went out with my bestie, Faeez, for a movie and then karaoke session with Pnut. I miss my hommies and I had a wonderful time yesterday. We watched The Ward, it was a good horror movie in my opinion. If you're a fan of John Carpenter, you should watch it. I bought no clothes, what an achievement, yay! Instead, I bought two novels, Awakened (A House Of Night series) and Darkest Mercy (last book for Wicked Lovely series). Great Filzah, you have just increased the number of books on the pending list from 8 books to 10 books.

I won't type much in this entry because I am giving way to pictures, loads of them, just bear with me okay hahaha. And here we go :

Karaoke yo :D

Yours truly feat Pnut (:

Yours truly yo

At my place with Faeez!

So while waiting for Faeez to pick me up, I had a little so called photoshoot with my younger sister being the photographer, thank you sistaaah! I figured I need to update my lookbook, I had the free time so why not? Teehee

Introducing my new black velvet pumps (:

Outfit details:

Vintage Batik-ish Blouse from Chenta Putih

Belt from Times Square

Dark blue skinny jeans from Forever 21

Black velvet pumps from Forever 21

Sling handbag form Charles&Keith

Pashmina from Times Square

Owl rings from Forever21, a gift from Aqmal, and Button my Buttons

I should pet an owl judging the number of accessories related to owl I have. And if you have not realised, I have gained weight. Tsk tsk that what college and studies do to me. I need to do some exercises and get back my old weight, the one that I feel comfortable with. I feel lazy and heavy these days, tsk tsk. Midnight meals are not good okay people.

To be back home, I finally have the time to catch up with my novels and books, and to catch up with Youtube. Speaking of Youtube, can the people on Youtube be more talented and amazing? God goodness. But I need to consistently remind myself to study though because I have tests waiting for me after the break. Although I've been ranting how exhausting college is, ineluctably I cannot deny the fact that I love my college life. For real, I like whatever I am studying now. I am just very grateful and thankful to be able to continue my studies, and to students out there, be grateful for the chance for education that you have. There are people who don't get the same opportunities and chance for education.

Okay I should stop now and continue with my reading. New look posted up on lookbook!

Till then, have a splendid day ahead everyone!

Stellar Vintage Bazaar!

2011-03-12T19:05:00.006+08:00

Hello beautiful people!

First thing first, happy weekend! I am very glad weekend is here, despite the fact that I'll be having my tests for Economics, Mathematics and Psychology this coming Monday and Tuesday, I am very much content with the two days off from college. On top of that, my family is coming to KL on Wednesday, so I will probably have a sweet and divine time after the tests which have been stressing me out the past few days. Like seriously, I am juggling time to do the homework, to keep up with my readings, and to study. Australian Matriculatian (AUSMAT) is all about consistency which I find hard when it always feel like I am running out of time. Rhetorically, I feel like 24 hours per day, and 7 days a week, are somewhat meager.

But looking through rose-tinted glass, this exhaustion, this stress, all the more reasons for me to keep moving on and never give up for good things always await for those who are patient. So anywho, today I went to my very first bazaar! A vintage bazaar! The bazaar was under Stella, an online shop, which also featured other online shops and Maysaa. It was at the 10th floor of SoHo, Empire, Subang Jaya. It was like a small studio, which I think was pretty much chic and cute. I have also met the owners of the shops, and they were all of sweet and lovely people.

Although I have promised not to shop, not until April or May, I have well excused myself for today, because you know with all the tests and college workloads and peer pressure, I need to pamper myself with things that make me happy, which in this case, clothes. You girls sure get what I mean, no? So I went to the bazaar with Iya, and yes I bought some nice clothes and I am a happy girl now, teeheeeheee. I wore a cream blouse from MNG, black skinny jeans from MNG, and a bright deep blue-ish green pashmina. Initially put on my black velvet pumps, then changed to my brown flats because I am indecisive like that. Plus the heels were a bit big, need to add on what-thingy-you-put-at-the-back-of-your-heels-to-make-your-shoes-tighter, which I will do soon.

So, at the end of the day, I bought hm one floral vintage boyfriend blazer, one white vintage blouse, one black blouse that has that thing you can tie into a ribbon or bow, one bright striking mustard yellow satin blouse, one vintage batik-ish blouse, one lace cropped top, and a lovely patterned cotton scarf. Which are all lovely!

So I'm going to stop now, and give a way for pictures!

Yours truly ♥

With the owner of Stellar, Bono (her nickname) she's a very lovely person (:

This is the owner of ChentaPuteh, Shara, definitely a sweetheart :)

With Tiera (if I'm not mistaken) from thr5t blogshop (:

And yes, it was a lovely place.

This was like my first bazaar, because I don't know why. I have always wanted to go to bazaars but every time there is one, I always end up being in a middle of something. So glad to make it to this Stellar Vintage Bazaar. I am definitely looking forward for more events like this in future!

On a different note, behind all this I-am-a-happy-girl-because-I-just-shopped, I am feeling very much upset and discontent with what's happening in Japan now. The earthquake, the tsunami, the losing of lives, and the losing of people you love, everything are upsetting me, it's like very very, very...sad.

My heart, prayers and thoughts definitely go out to everyone who are affected by this tragedy. May God gives you people strength and courage to go through all this calamity and catastrophe. ♥

Till then, have a blessed weekend ahead!

Love Is Never Ugly

2011-03-07T01:14:00.003+08:00

Via Tumblr

Hello beautiful people!

You know what I am bad at? Science subjects.

But besides that, do you know what my biggest guilty pleasure is? Romantic love stories.

I have effortlessly come to a conclusion that I really am a sucker for romantic movies or stories. It has occurred to me that when it comes to lovey dovey cheesy mushy romantic stories, no matter how predictable the stories are, or how bad the storylines are, I will inevitably end up liking those stories. This theory of mine, which has been proven true, by none other than yours truly, applies to both movies and novels.

Let me tell you some examples. Twilight. I mean come on, I have to admit, it’s not like the best movie or anything, but I went like crazy over that movie and the books as well. Why? 90% because I was captivated by the whole love story, despite how cliché it is. Yes, I just used the word captivated.

Then let’s see, books. Yes, novels that I have read, those fiction stories of vampires, fairies, immortals, angels, and well you name them all, the one thing they have in common, which keeps me reading, besides the main storyline, is the love story behind it. For instances, The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare, Fallen by Lauren Kate, The Immortal Series by Alyson Noel, The House of Nights Series by PC Cast, just to name a few. Oh and of course those novels from Nicholas Sparks.

Tsk tsk tsk, what can I do? I am soft-hearted like that.

I mean reading these kinds of books, and then reading books that have won Booker Prize or any other awards, like Life of Pi, The Alchemist, White Tiger, God of Small Things, you can really see the differences. Be it from the way the sentences are phrased, or the flow of the story, or the message conveyed from the story, you can really see the differences. Not that I am implying any of them is better than another one, since they are of different genres and people are entitled to their own opinions, plus the fact that I am in no position to criticize anyone’s writings so yeah.

All that I am trying to say is, I am a sucker for love stories.

Speaking of love stories, I have watched Beastly! On the first show, of the first day when the movie was out. Yes, you can say I am enthusiastic over a movie, but well, I’ve been waiting for this movie since last year, and I’ve been a fan of Alex Pettyfer since his first appearance in Stormbreaker, so yeah. I am really that immature at times. It feels like I want to be the first to watch it, kiasu over movies, sad truth.

Anywho, Beastly was such a beautiful movie it made me cry. I really don’t intend to type any further regarding this movie because I can assure you I’ll accidentally spoil the movie. All I can say is it was a beautiful movie. I will probably watch it again with my sister, yay! To those who read the book just like I did, it was a bit different from the book, but in my opinion, it was different in a good way, so fret not, just go watch it and enjoy! Alexander Richard Pettyfer is one beautiful man, goodness.

I genuinely think my enthrallment in the world of romance and love is at its utmost level. You see, this is exactly why when people say hate is a strong word, I say, love is stronger.

Scrolling up this blog post, my first question doesn’t really relate to the following explanations or, you may say bragging, and that is because I don’t know why. I guess watching some of my friends who take up Chemistry or Biology or Physics as their fifth subject just hit me, that really I suck at Science subjects. It’s not like I am completely a fool, nobody is anyways, it’s just that when it comes to any Science subjects, I can’t seem to grasp the concepts and the motivation to study them.

Mathematics is alright, I mean of course it is not easy, and I am not one of those people who have the ability to “see” behind any equations or mathematics questions asked. It is getting really depressing here to see how some of my friends, can straight away work out the mathematics questions in like a few minutes, and for me it will take like half an hour or something. But it’s alright; I need to put in extra efforts knowing my capabilities and limits.

What I always enjoy I believe is when it comes to words, arts, expressing your feelings, those kind of not so science-ish and technical things. Somehow when it comes to words, or reading, I feel comfortable. When it comes to writing, I feel excited. Something I actually anticipate, you know? Of course, nothing is easy. But the difficulties or hardships I feel when it comes to these kinds of subjects are the kind that pushes me forward. The kind that makes me feel even more encouraged to go through the hardships for I know the outcomes will worth it.

On a different note, speaking of hardships, college is currently bombarding me with assignments, tests, and quizzes. I have nothing to ask from you guys except to pray for my success, like pretty please? :]

Oh by the way, What Are Words by Chris Medina is one beautiful song, I could actually cry listening to it. I would like to dedicate that song to everyone who reads this, so please go checkout that song.

Till then, see you when I see you.

To the most amazing man I've ever known in my life.

2011-03-02T19:37:00.008+08:00

Dear Mr Razak,

You have been one of the most important persons in my life, the most amazing man I have ever known in my 18 approaching 19 years of living. You have been my inspiration, someone I look up to all the time, the one who has taught me what life is, the one who makes me believe that we should never give up in life, and behind every cloud there is a silver lining. You have the inimitable talent at encouraging and pushing me forward, you make me feel like I can go through anything in life no matter how hard it's going to be for you always say, God will always be there, and seek for Him in both good times and hard times. You strengthen my faith in life and hope, you strengthen my will in pursuing my dreams, you are practically my life. Thank you won't justify how grateful I am to you and to God for blessing my life with you, but for a lack of better phrase, thank you. Happy Birthday Dad, I wish and pray the best for you every single second of my life. I love you! ♥

Much Love,
-Your Daughter

Stay beautiful, beautiful people.

2011-02-25T13:34:00.003+08:00

Hello amazing people! I hope everyone is having a good day, and also an advance wish to you guys, I hope everyone will have a good weekend ahead!

It’s Friday. What a relief. I believe this week has been a productive one. And this weekend will be a productive one as well. Let’s see, I have finished reading True Believer by Nicholas Sparks, in just a few days, which is a good thing because I hardly find time to read my books, which means my new so-called strategy in allocating my time is working! I have also watched all the movies I’ve wanted to watch; Sanctum, The Mechanic, I Am Number Four, oh except 127 Hours which I am going to watch tonight if there’s no change in plan. Did my college workloads as well, so yay Filzah, good job!

Anywho, I am going to write just a brief review on True Believer, written by Nicholas Sparks. I don’t want to spoil anything, nor will I tell you guys what was the story all about. All I can say is it’s a beautiful story. I mean, it doesn’t have a complicated storyline, in fact it’s a very simple story I should say, how humans regain their faith in love and hope, and hm to sum it up in one word, that word would be romantic. Nicholas Spark’s inimitable talent in writing beautiful stories that evoke love in different perspectives never ceased to amaze me.

Of course, some of his novels, for instance, Dear John, is an extremely slow-pace kind of story, too slow for an occupied college student like me, but no matter how slow it is, at the end of the story, you’ll learn something. I am not sure if it’s just me, who’s easily touched or has a high empathy towards everything around me, but I always feel connected to whatever Sparks writes. And there are always lines that I will instantly remember once I read them. So if you guys happen to be like me, someone who always has a thing with romantic/love stories, go read Nicholas Sparks’.

Now movie reviews! Just a quick one. Sanctum was good, I cried watching it (yes, I am an emotional person). The Mechanic was alright, I expected more, but Jason Statham did well. He needs to stop being so macho, tsk tsk distracting. I Am Number Four was awesome, and I don’t want to brag or anything, but I swear to God, Alex Pettyfer is a major freaking hottie. I’ve been his fan since I was a kid, and he was a teenager, love him since his movie Stormbreaker, and now, he’s all grown up. A FREAKING UBER HOTTIE. Goodness. That high cheekbones, cleft chin , sexy smile, deep eyes, ahh exactly my taste of dream guy, LOL.

Oh and the movie, I was honestly distracted because Alex was so hot hahahaha, but besides that, it was an awesome movie. To those who read the book, I can’t guarantee that it’s as awesome as the book. Of course it won’t be, like duhh. I am looking forward to watch 127 Hours, another hot guy, James Franco! I always have a thing with guys that have high cheekbones, Adam Brody, Alex Pettyfer, James Franco, and the list goes on.

Anywho I know I sound silly bragging on hot guys that I will never have, but it’s alright, it’s okay, I’m fully aware with how reality works, so you don’t have to remind me. Speaking of reality, college workloads are driving me insane and dragging me to delirium. My group and I have presented our forum yesterday, and I think we did a good job, thank you girls! I have Psychology pop quiz coming next week, then assignments due on the same date for both Psychology and Economics, and in the same week, Math Test 3 is coming, as well as Econs Task 2. And one of my Psychology assignments is to do a poster! An ADHD Awareness Poster. I find it hard to become artsy and whatnot with so many work to do within so little time. I have always disliked time constraint, ish.

I should go get my lunch now. See you in the next post!

Till then take care beautiful people.

Forget About The Price Tag

2011-02-19T21:59:00.003+08:00

Hello awesome people!

Hugs.

You know what annoys me? People who go around spoiling movies, or any kind of stories, despite knowing I’ve been wanting to watch that particular story/movie, and despite being told to shut up.

Anywho, I have been busy, with everything. Bad things come along the way, mood swings now and then, but hey I am still alive and kicking, and for that I thank God for the strength He gives.

In all honesty, I think I am losing my blogging mojo. Somehow, I feel like I’m running out of things to write when in reality I feel like I have a lot of things to write. I have them on my mind, the ideas. But then when my fingers start to hit the keyboard, just about to hit the letters, somehow I falter .The ideas were somehow gone, kaput, into thin air. Like you know how vacuum works? Like when it sucks up all the dust and whatnot, yeah that was what happened. My ideas were drained, abruptly.

But, fret not; I have come up with a strategy. Yes, a strategy! To ensure my blog is updated, and to ensure I keep on writing despite how busy life is. Let’s just hope the so-called strategy of mine works.

I have always wondered how those hardworking people work you know. Like how on Earth do they keep on being consistent in fighting the laziness and the urge of doing nothing? Because I find it really hard. Yes, I think I have issues with being hardworking. I am, hands down, one lazy ass. And a pro when it comes to procrastinate. That is why I always struggle with whatever workloads given to me. But I must admit going into college have somehow forced me be to be hardworking. Those assignments, those tests, and the surrounding itself, push me to be hardworking, well not exactly hardworking, just not a big fat lazy ass.

I will be having Economics assessment next week, along with my EALD (English as Second Language and Dialect) forum. Oh and I believe I’ll get back my second math test result next week too. Which I won’t get full marks due to my loyal carelessness. Ugh, don’t remind me of that, feels like choking myself or banging my head to the wall. And more workloads and tests coming I suppose.

I am currently in the mood for movies! Unfortunately, I have to swallow in my anxiety and my so called movies-mood and hold it back till Monday, for my sister is busy this weekend. And most of my friends went home. So I am trying to make full use of my alone time here. Updating my blog for a start, no? No one really likes Monday, yes I am aware of that. But just this one time, I can’t wait for Monday to come! This Monday, my sister’s assignment will be passed up. And FINALLY I can watch all the movies I’ve been wanting to watch, lol. I am looking forward to watch Sanctum, James Cameron’s new movie. Then, being a fan of Jason Statham, I want to watch The Mechanic as well. Oh and looking forward to watch I Am Number Four as well! And also the ever smexy James Franco’s movie, 127 Hours!

Speaking of movies, I have recently watched Burlesque! It was awesome, Christina Aguilera was gorgeous, and she has well, one hell of amazing voice, and Cam Gigandet was one hot stuff too! The storyline, was well, predictable. But it’s definitely an enjoyable movie to watch. I have also watched 3 Idiots! Yes, that famous Hindustan movie everyone’s talking about. No, it’s not a new movie, but I must say, one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I am being genuinely serious, everyone should, scratch that, MUST watch it! Yes, go watch it now please, thank you.

I have updated my lookbook, finally! Been so busy, it has been a while since I last spent my time with my camera. Oh well. Click hype if you like it! :)

A quick help!

2011-02-10T21:04:00.004+08:00

Okay lovely readers and friends, I need a quick help here!

A friend of mine has entered this blogshop contest in which the winner will be determined by the highest number of "likes" on their pictures posted on Facebook.

Now, honestly I never really did this before, promoting or anything on my blog, and apologies again that this is not a proper update, but my friend genuinely wants to win this, and it will mean a lot for me if she wins this and she's happy, and it will mean even more, if you guys can help. It's very simple, just like this page :

http://www.facebook.com/BUTIKeDast

And then click "like" on the 80th photo, which is this photo :

If you really help to "like" this picture, I really really really thank you. I wish I could find some better words to express my gratitude but for the lack of a better phrase, thank you. Super big hug!

PS: So many things are going on in my life at the moment, and I really want to update this blog of mine, and I will, once I get back my blogging mojo.

Till then, take care people.

Of February and hommies.

2011-02-04T00:25:00.004+08:00

It’s February already!

Hello awesome readers of mine, how have you guys been doing? I hope all is well, hugs.

You know that genuine happy feeling? The feeling where you feel belonged? It feels like you’re being fully yourself, and you know, just happy. And then you wish you can pause the time, and just ignore all the shit that have been happening to you, and just live in the moment. Even if it means laughing over lame jokes and talking about nonsensical stuff. It feels really good.

That was what I felt today hanging out with my hommies, 11 years of friendship, and getting back together whenever we have breaks and just be who we are was definitely one of the best times in my life. I mean like seriously, these people are, hands down, one of the most amazing bunch of people I’ve ever known in my life. I even met my long lost good friend when I was in my primary school, Mohsen! He was hilarious, I swear I couldn’t stop laughing. He didn’t change at all! My goodness.

I was thinking of blogging something that isn’t really about hm myself? How should I put this? Hm maybe something regarding the world now? The whole demonstration thing in Egypt maybe? Or maybe the flood that’s not only happening in Aussie but also in Malaysia, maybe? But then, I realized I need to read more in order for me to write you know things like that, world issues. Tsk tsk, read more Filzah, read more.

I should be reading my Economics , or doing some Mathematics exercises, thanks to my recklessness, I left all my books back in Subang. So brilliant of me, I know, tell me about it. I supposed it’s about time for pictures!

Jar of Hearts

2011-01-21T23:43:00.005+08:00

♥

Hello people, beloved readers!

*cough cough*

It’s a tad bit dusty here, no? Sincere apologies, I have been busy with life. College, workloads, getting good marks so I can make it to Aussie, you know all that jazz. But thank God it’s Friday, finally weekend is here, and I figured I should just you know update things. I was a bit busy last weekend, so yeah.

So what’s going on with my life? Well if you have me on your friends list on Facebook, you had probably seen my status updates, which are…emo. Haha, I was having a hard time at that moment. Really, I was hurt and I never really understand how heartbroken feels like until that time. I wanted to blog on it, but somehow I just couldn’t find the right words to narrate that sad story of mine. I don’t know if I was too heartbroken to even blog or what, but oh well that was all a history.

If you’re wondering why, hm let’s just put it this way. You know when you really hope for something to happen, and your heart somehow tells you that it’s going to happen, that what you’ve been imagining on your mind whenever you’re day-dreaming is going to be real, like for once you have your hopes high and you really feel like maybe that time around your hopes won’t be in vain, and suddenly you are proven wrong. Whatever sixth sense shit, or women’s instincts, or whichever you call them, were plain expectations.

And at that particular time, the time when you are proven wrong, those expectations that you once hoped will put a smile in your face, they just hit your face, scratch that, they skin your heart, like your heart is sliced into pieces, which fucking hurts in case you’re wondering. Words can’t justify how I really felt back then, but yeah that was more or less how I felt. Hurt.

It is crazy how tricky our mind and heart can be, like seriously.

Anywho, that was all in the past. I am keeping my chin up and seeing things through rose-tinted glass. After all, I did learn from what have happened. I should have known better what’s going to happen when I let my heart open. I’ve learned to not make someone your priority when you’re only an option to them. I have learned to make myself happy instead of depending on others.

I have learned how lucky I am to be blessed with amazing people in my life, which really is more than enough and I could never asked God for more. I have learned to heal myself with the help of time, and here I am stronger than ever. To whom it may concerned, you have no idea how hard it was for me and how hurt I was, but it’s alright. You have no idea how strong you have made me, so thank you. Optimism for the win! :D

Ahhh this post is supposed to be on what’s going on now, not what happened weeks ago. So, moving on now, second semester has started like two weeks ago. Classes are officially started a few days ago, though my Psychology class has yet started, but others have started and college has been great so far. I like all my lecturers and my schedule is looking fine. I don’t have to wake up that early for class except on Fridays, so yay!

I already have assignments to get done with. For English As Second Language And Dialect (EALD), we have a forum to be presented after the Chinese New Year Break. Mathematics test is coming next Monday. This year is crucial to me, because EVERTYTHING will be taken account for my internal marks, which will contribute 50% of my overall result. So yeah, consistency is what AUSMAT all about. Nerd and kiasu mode on baby!

Oh and that picture of mine above is the most recent picture of me. Hehe that was taken like yesterday, I was in the car, on my way to college. I know I have so many pictures of me wearing the same brown pashmina, but can’t help myself, I like it too much! Shows how I really need to shop new stuff, which speaking of, I managed to control my shopping habit! Like seriously, I haven’t shopped like what, two weeks? Which is an achievement really! I succeeded telling myself, no you don’t need it Filzah. Haha but I will need to update my wardrobe later on. Maybe I’ll update it once a month, yes that will do.

Chinese New Year break is coming! I am going back home sweet home JB, yay! Can’t wait to meet up with hommies, and going to celebrate my bestie’s birthday, weeewooooweee yayyyy! :D

Till then, take care people.

PS: GO CHECK OUT JAR OF HEARTS BY CHRISTINA PERRI!

A long letter, to end the year.

2010-12-31T20:34:00.011+08:00

♥

Dear 2010,

You have been an audacious yet a wonderful year to me. In January 2010, I’ve had my very first job as a sales girl in this one shoe store, in which I’ve met so many new people. These people have taught me so many lessons in life that I couldn’t possibly get elsewhere. I have learned how difficult it is to earn, and it made me realized how much my parents have done to raise me up till today.

In February 2010, I’ve met my very first accident in which I lost my car and it was a miracle I survived, and all parts of my body are still attached though I was hospitalized for one night. It made me realized how life is really short, and how priceless every second is.

In March 2010, I achieved my SPM results and I realized I have grown up so much that I didn’t even realize the whole growing up process has taken its place. The next months afterwards I was busy with scholarship applications, photo stating my certificates, interviews and all that jazz. It was during that period of time I think I somehow fell down and lost my biggest strength which is my optimism.

I went to so many interviews, went through so many phases and stages just to find out I didn’t succeed. It was really a hard time for me and till today I can still remember how painful the disappointment I felt back then. I broke down. But then I realized giving up wasn’t going to help, and so I told myself, it’s not the end of the world. You know the lyrics from Fireworks “maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed, so you can open one that leads you to the perfect road”, yeah that song from Katy Perry? I could never agree enough.

In my case, I didn’t get a scholarship to the United Kingdom, but I was offered a scholarship to Australia under JPA. Being indecisive as ever I contemplated whether to take that offer or not because I’ve been dreaming to go to the UK, and my dad could send me to KYUEM to do A-Levels. There, 2010 has taught me to be more matured and to decide. I finally accepted that JPA offer, and it was probably by far, the best decision I have ever made.

Because then I got to meet so many amazing people while doing my AUSMAT in Sunway College University, Subang Jaya. I enrolled in Sunway College in July, and now I am done with my very first semester in college, it was such a wonderful journey for a six-month period of time. It’s beyond words how thankful and grateful I am to be able to meet so many lovely people there. I probably have the best housemates ever and my girlfriends have been nothing but amazing. It was really an honour to get to know these people.

Nurul Aini Atiqah binti Kamarul Ariffin, if you’re reading this, well of course you will because I will ask and if need force you to, well we instantly clicked! I could literally talk about anything to you, you’re like a family to me and you were always there making silly faces (muka buruk, haha) and to entertain me, and for that, thank you.

Nik Shahira Nik Mustapha, we’ve met the first time during SC interview, and I never thought you are that crazy! Getting the chance to be your housemates is truly something I am fortunate with. You never failed to make me laugh, so thank you, also stop saying you’re fat and and you’re not beautiful! You are beautiful just the way you are, and yes I will try my very best next year to help you lose weight!

Zulaikha Zulkfeli, the second Kelantanese girl I’ve met after meeting Amirah Nabila. Lex, if you’re reading this, just so you know you’ve been a great friend, thank you so much. Oh and do know that you are one of the strongest girl I’ve ever known, I am always there for you if you need a laugh, or a talk, or a hug, teehee. (:

Ainul Akmal Shahidani, my sweet roommate, thank you for being such a lovely roommate, and the fact that the room of ours is filled up with most of my things (my extra wardrobe and my guitar), you have been understanding all this time, thank you very much.

Nurul Fariha, another lovely girlfriend and housemate of mine. Thank you for being an amazing friend and housemate, just so you know I will always be there for you if you need a laugh or a talk, imitating the way you laugh is so much fun, haha.

Amirah Nabila, my Kelantanese housemate, thank you for being a lovely housemate, thank you for all the cookings, for the tea and your brown sugar I kept on asking you haha, thank you for everything. Joanne Koh, you have been a fun and understanding housemate! I mean really, my loud voice and my loud singing, thank you for understanding them haha.

Huwaina, or well I usually call you Yna comel, and Ainaa Munirah, both of you guys have also been nothing except lovely! Although we are not staying in the same house, you guys have been a great friend towards me, both of you sumpah comel, so really thank you.

Naziraziyana or preferably called Ying, how could I forget you, the girl who went to Paramore concert with me?! I truly apologize, my bad. Ying, you're a very pretty girl, with a big heart, it has been a pleasure to know you and to get to go to Paramore LIVE in KL with you, was something I could never ever forget. (:

Durra! Met you through Ying, you're a lovely girl indeed! We may not talk that much or hang out as much as you do with Ying, haha but just so you know, I'm glad to know you! It has been fun hanging out at Rock Cafe during lunch time with you, teehee :)

Then I have a bunch of boy friends I’ve just got to know this very year thanks to World cup 2010. Loq, Acap, Lo, Abu, Bad, Ahsoon, Jin, and Adi, it has been a pleasure to know you guys. You guys have made my 2010 even more meaningful, so meaningful I can barely describe them in words. I could never really thank enough, but still thank you. To the rest of my collegemates and fellow AUSMAT-ians, thank you for the great time I had in my very first semester in college. I look forward to our journey together next year!

Last but not least, my dear hommies and my family. Faeez, Saddiq, Pnut, Aqmal, Azri, and Fero, it’s amazing how we still keep in touch even after years and years of friendship. Since the very first time when we learn ABC and 123 up till today where most of us have already got driving license! Long time, no? I am just glad that our unwavering support for each other remains strong. My family, all of them my dad, my mum, both of my sisters, and my younger brother, have been amazingly supportive. Despite how annoying they can get, I love them with all my heart.

It’s literally impossible for me to list down the name of people I have met and how they have changed my life, so I apologize if I miss out any names, I genuinely have no intention to do so. To those whom I know or know me, and who have met me in person, who have talked to me, who have said even just a simple hi to me, who read this ordinary blog of mine, do know you guys have left your footprints in my heart in which I will never forget you guys, and so you guys have made my 2010 as what it was, audacious yet wonderful.

Thank you everyone for being just who you are, I could never thank enough, but thank you. Love you guys heaps, hugs.

There were so many other things that have taken place in 2010, but again it’s impossible for me to blog them all. I had my fair share in getting my expectations too high, in losing hope, in losing my positivity, in falling down, but at the same time, I also had my fair share in being happy, in feeling wonderful, in believing in life, and I’ve decided to keep looking on the bright side.

It took me more than two hour to write this, and I really write this from my heart. It’s like a letter to 2010 that I wish will remain as a keepsake of one year out of my eighteen years of living life. Something that I will read in ten years time and tell myself, “Ahh I didn’t realize I’ve grown up this much.”

To be honest, it terrifies me whenever New Year arrives. Because it will mean that I am growing up, and growing up is one of the scariest things I’ve ever encountered in life. But I tell myself every day that I will try my very best to not let this fear gets the best of me as I need to live life to the fullest and make the best of everything I have, before it’s too late.

I don’t have any specific new year resolutions, for every single day when I woke up in the morning I have a resolution set on my mind. In 2011, I just want to be happy, and to be able to write another letter to 2011 once it comes to its end. For whatever that have happened in 2010, and for whatever that may come in 2011, I know the one thing that remains unchanged, is that I am really thankful to the one and only God, Allah Almighty.

Alhamdulillah.

To conclude this letter, I quote Dr Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

I sincerely wish everyone a prosperous and blessed New Year! ♥

Lots and lots of love,

Golden Dust And Secret Wishes

2010-12-27T11:18:00.006+08:00

Hugs.

If you’ve been following my blog, you must have read my posts on my dreams and my love life, which I’ve written in two versions, the English version and the Malay version. But if you haven’t read that posts of mine, here, I’ve linked them up for you. Just click them :

You know this one feeling where you feel peaceful and calm? Okay, if not, imagine this.

You are walking by the beach, the sun is setting, the wind is blowing, not too strong and not too light, you can feel the fresh breeze of wind caressing your face, you can smell the ocean, you walk further until you can feel the water on your feet, you stop there and you just stand, and you can feel the waves crashing on your feet, and it feels like as if the waves are washing away those dreadful feelings that you are having, and then you close your eyes. You take a deep breath in, you hold it for a few seconds, and then you breathe out, slowly exhaling carbon dioxide along with those austere disconcerting thoughts you’ve been keeping all this time.

Then, you open your eyes. You feel this one feeling deep down in your heart, it is as if your heart is at ease, you feel calm and peaceful. It is as if you’ve found the missing puzzle piece. It is like when you’ve succeeded unravel those tangled earphone cables. It feels somewhat right.

Yes, that feeling dear readers are what all of us are looking for. But because we are blinded by what we desire and things we don’t possess, we fail to remember the things (or persons) we already have, things that have always been there since the very beginning. We fail to make the best of what we have because we keep on grasping tight on things that make us sad. We fail to move on because when we say we’ve moved on, we don’t, we just pretend to forget when moving on is never really about forgetting, it is about accepting. And so we fail to accept.

When I read back those posts of mine on My Dreams and My Love Life (links above) , I’ve realized I’ve gone through so many things, both good and bad things and I didn’t even realized since when I’ve grown up to this stage of life.

My past has been my constant reminder to be happy in life, and the people in it have been somewhat a memento on how I lived my life back then. Not that I have changed exorbitantly all these years, I am still the same crazy Filzah, it’s just that somewhere along the way, along the falling down and getting up process I guess I’ve grown up stronger.

I’ve realized how love and dreams drive in a same direction and work in a same way. We fight for both love and dreams. And both love and dreams never really die, instead they keep on living even though the hope is fading, even if the only hope left is as trivial as a speck of dust. We will always keep on loving and dreaming.

But oh well, all I am saying is I am grateful with my life. I don’t know whether it’s me who’s being too optimistic, but I have learned to make myself happy. Even if it means to be on your own. I quote this from Tumblr, “the reason why people find it so hard to be happy is because they can’t let go of things that make them sad”. Indeed it’s true. We really should have focused on what we have instead of stressing out on what we don’t have. When we can finally make the best of what we have, that’s when you’ll feel that serenity in your heart.

But no, this doesn’t mean I am having a smooth sail across the sea all the time. I have my bad hair days as well just like everyone else. Your problem might not be as worst as others, but still it doesn’t change the fact that you’re having a problem, no? But oh well, at the end of the day, only you have the veto power to make yourself happy. (:

So anyway, I have updated my Youtube. This time around I am covering Kissing You originally by Miranda Cosgrove. When I first heard this song, I told myself I want to sing this song and dedicate it to the love of my life, well once I found him, haha. But then, I realized I already have many loves in my life. So this one goes out to all of you amazing people who have been there for me all the time, you know who you are, thank you, I could never ask for more. ♥
I hope you like it! (:

:')

By the way, I have yet gone to City Square to buy that gorgeous blazer I saw yesterday! :(
I am still somehow contemplating because... I can be indecisive like that. Oh well, anyway, updated my lookbook!

Click hype if you like it :)

Enjoy the last days of holiday people!

Till then, take care people.

A day out with beloved hommies.

2010-12-26T12:10:00.007+08:00

Hugs.

A very Merry Christmas again! Yesterday, I went out with my beloved hommies Faeez, P-nut, Aqmal and Azri ; we've been friends since primary school yawww! Haha, anyway, we went to City Square, yes, I went there again. And we decided to go karaoke-ing instead of watching movie. I had a blast singing my heart out with these people :D

Then, we had our late lunch at McDonalds Bukit Indah before we bade goodbye to each other. I had Prosperity Burger, yuhmmay! It has been ages since I last had one. Hm I've realised that the past few days, I don't eat that much anymore. I even had a hard time finishing the whole Prosperity Burger Set yesterday. Yes, I get hungry all the time but somehow I feel full and bloated very easily recently. I don't know if it's unhealthy or not, but it's a good thing for me since I'm planning to lose my weight, just a bit, teehee.

I got to wear my new golden-brownish sweater and pleated pants yesterday! A WORTHY INVESTMENT I MUST SAY. I really love them, so comfortable! Oh and I saw this one super sexy gorgeous pretty blazer yesterday, which of course comes with pretty sexy price so yeah I was contemplating whether to buy or not. But this morning, the image of the blazer keeps on crossing my mind, so I've decided to buy it! Haha, I will find my way to City Square and get myself that blazer, like I don't care, I MUST HAVE IT. Plus, I barely have time to shop next year so...

Okay you can ignore the debate on blazer I am having with myself now.

Pictures!

Yours truly and Aqmal!

Yours truly and P-nut! :)

Yours truly and Faeez! (:

Again, with Faeez, my bestfriend of 11 years and counting! :)

And last but not least, of course pictures of...

Yours truly, ♥

Thank you guys for the wonderful time, love you guys heaps! (:

I will be back in Subang soon, like one week time soon. I'll be meeting my girlfriends soon too, been missing them loads!

And yeah once college and its comrades, i.e assignments, tests and presentations kick in, I'll be busy and I cannot afford to slack around or else I'll need to bid farewell to Aussie without even getting a chance to receive a "Welcome To Australia" wish. And because of that this beloved blog of mine might become dusty and rusty and ancient and yeah you get my point. But I'll try my best to update it! (:

Till then, take care people!

PS: Dear AUSMAT-ians and college mates, enjoy your last days of holiday! <3

A Fine Christmas Eve

2010-12-25T01:06:00.007+08:00

Te echo mucho de menos, :')

Hugs.

So yesterday, I went out with two lovely people, Faeez and Jiawenn! It has been almost a year since I last met Jiawenn, and it feels good to get to meet her again and catch things up. She'll be furthering her studies in Aussie next year, on the 9th of February, which is awesome because I'll be going to Aussie too! Although I will only be in Aussie in 2012 (and it all depends on my results), I am looking forward to meet her again in Aussie. (:

So we went to City Square, my oh my it has been ages since I last stepped into that mall! We decided to just hang out at Secret Recipe, and you know just sit back and talk. It was really one pleasant feeling, you know meeting back your old high school friends, and just talked, like old times back in high school. It has only been just a year since we ended our high school, but for some reason I feel like it has been ages. We talked and talked and talked, and of course took lots of pictures! All in all my Christmas Eve was a pleasant one, and I hope the same for you guys. (:

Pictures time! More on Facebook, :)

Yours truly, :D

Jiawenn and yours truly, :)

Polaroid like ohmagad! Thanks to Jiawenn ♥

Faeez !

Jiawenn!

Teehee, yours truly! ME WANTS A POLAROID CAMERA!

Yours truly and Jiawenn :))

Jiawenn and Faeez! :))

Jiawenn and yours truly :))

Faeez and Jiawenn (:

Jiawenn and yours truly (:

Last but not least, group picture! ♥

Thank you guys for the wonderful time! Love you guys heaps!

I would like to wish those who celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas! I hope you guys will have a blessed Christmas celebration ♥

Till then, take care people.

PS: I am going to meet a group of friends again tomorrow! Yay! And I have a video of me covering Kissing You by Miranda Cosgrove coming up! :D

I am wearing the smile you gave me.

2010-12-24T03:44:00.008+08:00

Oh hello there, I am wearing the smile you gave me, (:

Hugs.

I hope everyone is doing dandy! Keep the positive vibes coming okay loves :D

So first thing first, I want to congratulate my younger sister, Fairuz Razak, for getting straight 8As in her PMR, job well done sis! Now get ready for shitloads of things coming in your way, this might sound cliché and redundant to you, but still I'm going to say this again, PMR stands next to nothing in comparison with what's coming in your way i.e SPM and life after SPM.

But of course PMR it's not sheer nothing, as for now it is something. Something you've worked hard for, and you've earned it! So yeah, congratulations again, guess I need to find one pretty top that I've promised I would buy for you if you get straight As. But currently I am kind of broke, so be patient okay sis, teehee :P

Congratulations to the rest of PMR students, for achieving whatever results you've achieved. You've done your best and that is what matters. Never give up if you didn't get straight As, I know this is easier said than done, but seriously it's not the end of the world, you have way more to go in life, and you can still prove yourself you can do better in SPM. (:

Ahh the whole PMR results kind of make me feel a tad bit nostalgic. I wasn't in Malaysia back then during my PMR results were announced. I was in Spain for the exchange student programme. It was my mom who took the results on my behalf while I was in Spain, it was like 3 AM in the morning and I can still remember how hard I clutched my handphone in my hand waiting for my mom to text me my results. Faeez was the first one to text me telling me he got straight 8As, then my mom texted me telling me I got straight 8As as well. Too bad I wasn't there in school to celebrate it with my friends, but oh well I got to celebrate it with my host family. Told my host mum and dad first thing first in the morning during the breakfast, I can still remember their hugs, ahh God knows how much I miss Spain.

Okay, okay now enough with me being nostalgic.

So, my family and I went to Pizza Hut Setia Tropika for dinner tonight, it was like a tiny celebration for my sister. Took a number of pictures, though my sister kept on resisting, I forced her to take pictures with me, because I am a cool sistah like that yaww haha :D

Fairuz Razak, congrats again lil sistah! Proud of you ♥

My younger sister and yours truly :))

Oh and another thing, I have updated my Youtube! I was in the mood, so yeah made a cover of Grenade originally by Bruno Mars, pretty sure all of you have heard that song before. I made this video for the sake of fun in doing so, and so I apologize if I somehow...ruined the song? Haha but most importantly, I did have fun playing and singing this song, I hope whoever who's watching this video will have as much fun as I did making it. Oh do listen this with your headset/earphones on for better sound quality, so here we go :

Do click thumbs up if you like this, criticisms are welcomed, just please chill out and I would highly appreciate the usage of proper and decent words in your criticisms. Oh and subscribe if you want to! (:

Oh and before I forgot, here's a shout out to Afza Qistina, this girl has mentioned me in her blog and has flattered me with her kind words and compliments that I honestly think I don't quite deserve them, haha but still thank you girl for your kind words, I wish you the very best as well, ♥ (:

So, life is treating me fairly fine as for now, I know things will be hectic as soon as the college starts. Ahh most of my hommies are coming home for Christmas break this weekend, so will be having an outing with them this Saturday! I am so stoked and excited! I've been missing them loads and it's about time to meet them :)

Till then, take care.

PS: More videos of me doing song covers coming! :)

Next time you point a finger, I point you to the mirror.

2010-12-20T23:11:00.005+08:00

Hugs.

You know how people always say just be yourself? One hell of an advice, no? And when people tell you that in your face, you whisper to yourself, if only things are easier done that said. People tell you to be yourself, and then they judge you. All I’m saying is how much we try to be ourselves will never really suffice to cease people’s judgements from popping out of their minds.

You wear this, you wear that, you don’t wear this, you do this, you don’t do this, people will always be there to judge you. And I’m saying this because I’m included! Not really something I am proud of, but come on, I am just a normal human being. As much as I don’t want to be judgemental, thoughts and opinions will automatically come across my mind. But as I grow up, day by day, I’ve learned to keep that thoughts and opinions of mine, well I do voice out if I think it’s necessary, and I tell myself that I am in no position to judge anyone for at the end of the day, we are all the same.

And of course I’ve learned to ignore people’s judgements on me. Nonetheless at times, I admit we need to listen up and open our minds to what the people around us have for criticisms are needed to be better in life. Just don’t let what people say of you get the best of you, and stand in between what you want. I guess moderation is the key. I am not saying this from a position where I am totally right or that I am perfect, just opinions.

Anywho, I am still in KL, my dad has extended our stay at Gardens Residence since he has got to attend some meetings. I am going to KL again next week I think, because my dad will need to attend some meetings again next week. I think my family will move to KL for good one day.

Oh and I accidentally shopped, blame the sales! I only bought just a few things though.

I bought this one lovely white cream blouse, golden-brownish sweatshirt, a pair of harem-ish pleated pants, and a jumpsuit. Yes a jumpsuit! But it has got a loose cutting instead of the normal jumpsuit cutting which has this rubber strap thingy at the bottom of the pants, so yeah loving it! I love everything that I’ve accidentally bought to bits, they are all so pretty they make me happy! :D

But I think I have too many blues in my wardrobe though hmm me want some reds. But I really am broke now, and still am feeling guilty for spending, so I guess next year shopping trip, no? And next year is coming in a couple of weeks time teehee :P

But seriously Christmas holiday is the best time to shop. Literally, sales are everywhere! Like mega sales. By the way, I am so buying Marc Jacobs handbags one fine day, they are to die for! AHH SO GORGEOUS :)))

Oh and the Farros brothers from Paramore is leaving the band. Paramore won’t be the same after this. This is like Panic! At The Disco all over again. SO SAD =(

Holiday is ending and college is starting soon, like really soon. Pity my books; I’ve ditched them for so long already I think. But I’ve been missing my girlfriends so good thing college is starting, I’ll be meeting them back soon, yay! :))

I genuinely think next year will be one hell of a year, hectic and busy every single second, with assignments, presentations, tests and last but not least, the biggest thing for us AUSMAT students, our WACE exam, one that will determine whether I get to further my studies in Aussie or not. So yeah no more kidding around, time to be serious. I don’t think I will even have time to shop. Ehhh can’t say that for sure I guess since shopping can really help me to reduce all the study stress, teeehee :P

Okay so this post is not going anywhere interesting. I should just stop now.

Updated :)

Till then, take care people.

PS : Dear lovely readers, you amazing people should probably follow me on my twitter (link on your right) if you want constant updates from me :P

You're Not Alone

2010-12-16T13:06:00.004+08:00

Screw writer's block, I feel like blogging.

So here's to girls and guys out there who always wonder whether their soulmates got lost on their way to find you.

Here's to girls and guys who always feel like they keep on falling for the wrong persons.

Here's to girls and guys who always feel like they are always going to be an option.

Here's to girls and guys who always feel like you will never be good enough for anyone.

Here's to girls and guys who keep on wondering how does it feel like to be the right one for someone they truly like, even for once.

Here's to girls and guys who are constantly reminding yourself to be happy despite whatever shit that keeps on coming.

Here's to girls and guys who have been heartbroken.

Here's to girls and guys who struggle in between letting go or holding on.

Here's to girls and guys who keep on missing someone who doesn't miss you back.

Here's to girls and guys who still believe in happy ending and still hoping for one despite knowing life isn't a fairy tale.

Here's to girls and guys who wonder who would have missed them when they're gone.

Here's to girls and guys who still have faith in love and hopes despite how life and people have shown the otherwise.

I just want to say, you're not alone.

Keep your chin up, listen to good songs, sing them out loud, eat yummy food, crack up at lame jokes, spend time with your family, go shopping, do whatever it takes to smile, even though at times to smile is one of the hardest thing thing to do.

Of great times and sweet memories

2010-12-15T21:58:00.011+08:00

Hello lovely readers!

A few days ago, my friends from KL came all the way down to JB to visit Singapore. Some sort of a group trip. And to visit me of course, teehee. And so I had a great time with them, and pretty sure my parents like them, haha.

So they came to my house last Sunday and had a lunch at my place. My parents cooked nasi beryani for them, and it seemed like they had a good lunch, so yay! And then the next day we went to Singapore, got back in JB at night to have dinner with my family. And now they are probably now on their way back to KL.

Why is it hard for me to find the right words to transfer from whatever I have inside my head to my blog? It really starts to annoy me it's not even funny. But I guess I have pictures that will help me, so yeah let's just skip the whole story-telling part and move on with pictures. After all, pictures speak louder than words, no?

Puteri Harbour, Kota Iskandar :)

Loq and yours truly (:

Yours truly with Abu, Din, and Acap :)

Acap and yours truly (:

Yours truly :))

Yes, brought them to Kota Iskandar and showed them around how JB has progressed, so proud to be born and bred in Johor Bahru, home sweet home :)))

Lunch at my place! :DD

:)))

Singapore!

Dinner with my family at Damai Seafood :)

I guess my dad really likes these boys, like for real.

:))

There are way too many pictures, more on Facebook.

I am so glad I get to spend time with these boys again, and it feels good when my parents have met them. When they first reached my house, here in Taman Perling, it somehow felt surreal. Like I didn't realised I am that closed to them, (:

But oh well I guess it's never really about how long you've known someone, it's about who comes and sticks around, through thick and thin. Despite the fact how people always leave at the end of the day, let's just put that aside, 'cause until that time comes, we should cherish them, shouldn't we? (:

Oh and since all of them except Loq, are doing SAM in Taylor's College, their final exam results are coming out tomorrow! So yeah, Asyraf Hazique, Abu Dzar, Hazwan Hafidz, good luck and all the best! Just want you guys to know that you guys are always in my prayers :')

Oh and also thank you guys for the great times! I really hope you guys had a pleasant stay in JB, and looking forward to see you guys soon once I'm back in Subang next January! :))

Till then, take care people.

I guess at one point of our lives, we are all heart-breakers. Whether we realize it or not, like it or not.

Talking To The Moon

2010-12-14T14:37:00.012+08:00

I've been fathoming the right words to express what I am feeling now on this blog of mine.

Unfortunately, nothing quite came up. My blogs, i.e. this public blog and my private blog, have been somewhat my escapade, to rant how bad my days go, or to brag on how amazing my days are, or to just write what I am thinking of on music, fashion, life, people just to name few.

Today's post is going to be a random one. Maybe not that random 'cause I am about to write on my feelings. Which I feel can get a tad bit corny and cheesy and whatnot, yeah consider this as an early warning from yours truly.

I feel like screaming to the whole world and telling everyone what I am feeling now, but no I can't. No, it's not some big-serious-country-issue or anything, just something to do with...feelings and emotions, which sucks even more. I must say I am very grateful for I have these amazing people I call friends whom I can talk to so yeah, I am kind of relieved I have at least told them what I am feeling.

Complicated is probably the closest word that can round up the situation I am in now, my oh my, it's pretty much messed up. You know that feeling of wishing you could erase feelings you're having? Yep, that one feeling is a total bitch eh? Really is a silent killer, not that I am literally dying, well technically yes I'm gonna die one day, but ehhh, all I'm saying is that feeling is definitely one of the worst things in life. Oh and also that feeling of being so close, yet so far away, am feeling that as well.

I supposed it's not waiting that hurts, it's knowing what you're waiting for is not going to happen that hurts. Yes, it hurts big time. But still, we wait. I guess it's not love I am afraid of, it's unreturned love that terrifies me. Also, I've been thinking how ironic it is that people who make us happy the most are the one who hurt us the most as well. Life and its irony never cease to amaze me.

And did I tell you how I dislike myself for keeping expecting things to happen despite knowing they won't? It's like I am giving myself false hopes although my mind keeps on playing the line "stop expecting Filzah, stop hurting yourself", it's like my mind and my heart are having a debate, not to say they have been moving in a parallel line before, it's just that this time around things feel a tad more...annoying. Heh.

Inevitably, I am falling, but the person I wish would catch me has no idea that I am falling, which equals to no one is catching me. So yes, better gear myself up for the future bruises and scars from the fall.

There is definitely a huge difference between he-looks-kinda-cute-I-think-I-like-him-crush and he-makes-me-happy-like-no-other-I-think-I-really-like-him-crush. The difference is the first crush involves no heart and feelings whatsoever, and the latter does. A LOT OF HEART AND FEELINGS. And very often, they are of different guys. Well, in my opinion.

On a totally different note, I had an amazing day yesterday, went out to Singapore with Acap, Loq, Abu, and Ahsoon. They came to JB from KL to visit Singapore, and of course to visit me teehee. Oh well, that one I will update later on when I am done with editing pictures and most importantly when I am not lazy.

Till then, take care people.

I wish I could tell you that it's you. It's when with you I found myself. I wish you know that. But this wish of mine, will just remain as a sheer wish. Well, at least until time and fate prove me wrong.

On The First Page Of Our Story, The Future Seemed So Bright

2010-12-09T00:15:00.007+08:00

Hello beautiful people!

How have you guys been? I hope everything is going on well and dandy for everyone, hugs, lots of hugs if it's not.

So finally I am on my semester break! A divine one month holiday, yay!

My holiday has started since last week, but I didn't get the chance to update my blog because I went on a family vacation to Langkawi last week. I had a blast in Langkawi. I guess one thing about family, is no matter how much annoying you think they are, your love for them will never fade, and they are the one who will be there when you need them. Well, at least that's how I feel.

My family and I, we stayed at Four Seasons Resort, Langkawi, which in my opinion, by far the best resort I've ever stayed. That place was so pretty and so relaxing, I love every single bit of the resort, from the super comfortable bed, to the huge bathroom with an outdoor jacuzzi, to the clean private beach, to the first class service, everything was next to perfect. I am pretty sure my dad was satisfied and didn't mind spending a little bit more as he found that every penny he paid was worth it. My whole family, including myself, especially my dad loves that place and plan to go there again in future.

I would love to tell you what I did in Langkawi, what activities and whatnot, but then I don't want to bore you people. Not that I didn't have fun, I did, it's just that... I am lazy haha.

But I guess the best part of the whole vacation is the camwhoring part!

Took lots of pretty pictures, and had the time of my life posing and camwhoring :P

Hahaha I really have to thank my younger sister, Fairuz Razak for she was the one who took my pictures and she was patient enough to entertain me. Thanks sis, love you! Teehee :D

As usual, pictures are uploaded on my Facebook, link on the right sidebar.

I am going to post only some of them on here, so enjoy!

Above are just some of the pictures, check out my Facebook for more pictures.

Oh and of course the aftermath of massive camwhoring, I got to update my lookbook, yay! :D

Hype if you like it! :)

I am still having this writer's block, ish.

So till then, take care people.

And Then Life Happens

2010-11-27T14:45:00.003+08:00

Hello lovely readers!

It’s finally weekend and I have some time to update this blog of mine. My final exam has started two days ago; I am done with Economics, English as Second Language/Dialect (EALD), and Mathematics 3C/3D. One more paper left, Accounting & Finance. By far, Mathematics 3C/3D was hell. I literally cried after the exam. It was so hard I wasn’t even sure what I was doing throughout the 2-hours exam time. Even the simple questions gave me those annoying doubts.

I am seriously considering dropping Mathematics 3C/3D and taking up Mathematics 3A/3B instead. You see, I am doing Australian Matriculation (AUSMAT), Accountancy. Basically there are 5 subjects you have to take, but the final result will only take up the best four subjects. Mathematics is of course a compulsory subject, same goes to English. There are 2 categories, or rather levels. Mathematics 3A/3B and Mathematics 3C/3D, and of course the latter is harder. Mathematics 3C/3D is meant for those who are taking Engineering, or Actuarial Science for it has got higher thinking skills.

Since I am doing Accountancy, Mathematics 3C/3D isn’t really needed. However, certain universities in Australia especially those top ranking universities, require Mathematics 3C/3D as one of the prerequisites. I am still checking which universities require Mathematics 3C/3D and so far only University of Melbourne requires it. I feel like I want to drop Mathematics 3C/3D, but at the same time, the stubborn side of me somehow holds me back, you know that feeling of wanting to prove you can do it? Yeah, that feeling. But then I don't wish to see how my stubbornness hits right back at me. So now, I am currently torn in between whether to just drop Math 3C/3D and to just take the easier Math 3A/3B.

I apologize you guys have to read this boring ranting on my dilemma, but I guess writing or should I say blogging it out somehow helps.

Hmm I have till next January to decide, please God, show me the right path.

Enough about my dilemma, I have one more paper left which will be Accounting & Finance on next Tuesday! Then I will have my one month and a few days holiday, yay! I will be spending the first five days of the holiday with my family. We’re gonna spend some quality time in Langkawi, can’t wait!

Oh lookbook updated!

On a different note, something is currently bothering my mind. But oh well, I’ve blogged that one out on my private blog, teeeheee. I have decided to not to think about it as time will help. And if something is meant to be, it will be.

Till then, take care.

“You're everything I know that makes me believe I'm not alone”

Genting Highland

2010-11-20T23:21:00.008+08:00

Wassup yo?

Hello again lovely readers, second update of the day!

I've mentioned in my previous post that I went to Genting Highlands with my friends, with no preparation at all. I've been meaning to blog on it, but back in Subang I do not have much free time to do so. So I'm blogging it now :D

It was last week, on Friday night I was doing my Accountancy essay thingy when Luqman called me and asked whether I wanted to join him and others to Genting Highlands, and it was like 2AM-ish. The first thing I did was laughing my heart out. But hey, I hesitated at first but I decided to join them, and I did the right decision! I had a blast that night, or should I say morning, definitely one of the best and memorable nights in my life. But of course, minus the exhaustion and lack of sleep and migraine and the jet-lag-ish-feeling.

Oh but beforehand, I should introduce my friends first! My boyfriendssssss hahaha
I just got to know them this very year, thanks to World Cup 2010! It all started off when I met Loq and his friend, Lo, during Spain's match, then I gradually get to know Loq's friends, which are Abu, Acap, Ahsoon, and Bad. And yes, those are just their nicknames. Stalk my facebook if you want to know more, lol.

So anywho, going on with my Genting trip, we reached there at around 4/5 AM-ish. I think. I couldn't quite remember. But yeah we stayed there until sunrise to take pictures! Beautiful pictures indeed. Enough with words, pictures time!

Yours truly, Loq, and Acap (:

Yours truly and Abu (:

Bad, Acap, Abu( in front), yours truly, and Loq (:

Loq, Acap, Bad, Ahsoon, and Abu (:

Yours truly, (:

Bad, Ahsoon, Acap, yours truly, and Abu (:

Acap, Abu, Loq, Bad, and Ahsoon

Sunrise, ♥

Acap!

Bad, Acap, yours truly, Ahsoon, and Abu (:

Loq!

Abu!

Bad!

Ahsoon!

Loq!

Yours truly and the boys, muka semua penat nak tidur, haha :D

I genuinely had fun with these boys, and I am glad I get to know them.
All of them are staying at the same place where I am, which is Casa Subang aparment, but they are studying in Taylor's University College instead of Sunway University College. Abu, Ahsoon, and Bad are flying off to Aussie next year to further their studies, Loq to the States, while Acap to Aussie in 2012.

Why am I telling you guys stories of their lives again?

Hahaha, but I must say knowing these boys is one of the good things that has happened in my life. They make me happy, so thank you guys! :)

I am going back to Subang Jaya tomorrow morning, college as usual on Monday, and will be having my final semester exam in one week time! God knows how lazy I am feeling now :(

NOTE TO SELF : Study, study, study.

Till then, take care people.

Universal Studios Singapore!

2010-11-20T19:01:00.006+08:00

Hello beautiful people!

I hope you guys are doing well.

My days have really been an eventful and adventurous one! A week ago my friends and I went to Genting Highlands with no preparation at all. Hm I should blog on that too! But let me finish this post first okay?

So yesterday, I went to the magical Universal Studios in Singapore! I went there with my hommies, Faeez, Saddiq and Azri. P-nut would have gone with us but there were some problem with her passport so she didn't come along.

Yesterday was hands down one of the best days in my life, and an adventurous one too!

Basically what happened wasn't like what we'd planned earlier, which makes thing even fun. So Saddiq picked me up at around 6.15 AM, yes that early in the morning. Now, take a guess on what time we reached Universal Studios.

So going on with my story, Saddiq picked Faeez, Azri and myself, and we went to Saddiq's house where P-nut would pick us up and send us to the Kotaraya bus stop where we would take a bus at 8.45. Met both Saddiq's lovely parents for a while, then around 6.30 P-nut came and off we went. P-nut had to sent her sister to school first, then we all went to Pekan Rabu afterwards in hope that P-nut could get that one-day single permit thingy because her passport was with her dad who was in Terengganu. I know, life's complicated. After asking around, calling people and whatnot, we went to Wisma Persekutuan, yeah that place where you make your I.Cs. We thought there was a chance of P-nut getting that one-day single permit thingy, but unfortunately she didn't. It was really a bummer, but P-nut was okay with it and she said nevermind since she has already gone to Universal Studios before, and so our trip continued.

P-nut sent us to the bus station, and it was 9-ish AM that time, we missed the 8.45 bus, so we had to wait an hour for the 9.45 bus. Tick tock tick tock, finally it was 9.45 and off we went on the bus excitedly, saying goodbyes to P-nut, and hello to Singapore. It was then I remembered about Universal Studios, and I asked Faeez, where were our tickets to Universal Studios? Yeah you do the math. We left it with P-nut! Luckily we were still in JB, and had yet entered Singapore, so called P-nut up and she drove to Woodlands checkpoint to pass the tickets. So sorry P-nut for all the troubles due to our carelessness, ish so guilty.

Anywho, because of that we missed the bus again. It's a long story, cut it short, we arrived at Universal Studios at around 2 PM. Yeah the journey on the MRT, figuring where we were, how to go there and whatnot, we finally reached our destination. And mind you, it was my very FIRST TIME in Singapore. Well maybe not quite the first time, since the first one was when I transited in Changi Airport on my way to Spain for the exchange student programme. So we basically had no clue about Singapore roads and whatnot, but we persevered! Haha we listened to our hunches and asked around, and yay we made it!

Our legs were aching by the time we reached Sentosa Station. But as soon as our eyes land on the magical Universal Studios, those aches and pain somehow disappeared. It was really a beautiful and magnificent place. Ahhhhh love every bits of it!

There were a number of sections, or worlds in another word, the Far Far Away, The Lost World, Ancient Egypt, Sci-Fi, New York, just to name a few, plus I don't quite remember so yeah. My favourite ride was Revenge Of The Mummy! Went on it twice and had fun screaming my lungs out. There were more rides, well scarier I supposed but they're not opened yet, so yeah. I am thinking an interesting way to blog it out, my experience there in Universal Studios, but I couldn't fathom one. So of course, PICTURES TIME! Oh oh, I took a picture with that Kungfu Panda thingy, so so so cute, teeehee

Here we go, phototitos!

Our legs were aching! Covering it with smiles, haha

WOOHOOO FINALLY!

Azri, Saddiq, yours truly

:O

Group photo! teehee look at our happy faces, :)

Friends since primary school yo! Heart you people (:

Saddiq, yours truly, and Azri :))

THE SUPER CUTE KUNGFU PANDA! Teeehee so cute la, :')

Yours truly, :')

More pictures on Facebook!

It was definitely one of the best trips in my life, and I had a blast! No words can describe how much fun I had yesterday. Your turn now! Go visit Universal Studios now :)

Oh and of course, a picture to conclude it all :

Despite the fact that I am no one's girlfriend, haha

Till then, see you lovely people in the next blog posts!

Take care people.

So, it has been a while.

2010-11-17T15:50:00.005+08:00

*coughing*

It is so..dusty here.

Hello hello hello.

I know I know it has been ages since my last update, my deepest apologies for not updating my blog as much as I always do. I have been meaning to update it since like weeks ago, because my days in October and November have been eventful. However due to excessive college workloads, the speed of the Internet in Casa Subang (apartment where I am staying) which is extremely slow to the extent I want to throw away the modem but I didn't do it because it's not mine, and the lack of free time, I had to put off my intention of updating this blog of mine.

But now that I am home in JB for a short five days off, I finally get the chance to blog.

First thing first, Paramore Live In Kuala Lumpur 2010 was amazingly epic!

I know I am way beyond late, but still I want to blab it all out on how amazing Paramore was and I will never get over how amazing they were that night. I even have videos of them doing live! You can watch them on my Facebook page, under Videos. But for now, I'll just post some of the pictures.

Just some of them though, you can find hundreds of them on my Facebook :)

There are even two albums on Paramore Live In KL. I have been wanting to watch Paramore live since like forever. All this time, I watch their live videos on Youtube in hope I get to watch them in front of my eyes one fine day, and that one fine day was on the 19th October of 2010, definitely one of the highlights of this year, and one of the best nights in my life. It's impossible to describe how amazing Hayley's voice doing live, it's like I am listening to their albums, they were extremely good. Those who went to the concert will sure understand what I am trying to say here. Oh and yes, I was that close to the stage. I clearly saw Hayley's face, I was literally standing less than a metre from Josh Farro, and Josh was, and still is a heartthrob, teehee.

Okay so I would never get to the end if you ask me to describe how was Paramore's concert that night. So I should just stop now.

Oh and my family came to KL two weeks ago, and I had the chance to take some pictures with them! And with the assistance of my younger sister, Fairuz, I got to update my lookbook, thanks sis!

So, here's my new look on lookbook, hype it if you like it!

Thank you for reading this, and to new followers, thank you for following.
*hugs new followers*

Till then, take care sweethearts.

There might be something real between us two, who knew.

2010-10-15T18:07:00.004+08:00

First thing first, yay I'm back home! It feels so so good! Although I'm only going to be here for four days, I appreciate every single second I'm here, home sweet home.

Anyway, had a tiny photo shoot today to update my lookbook. Credits to my younger sister for taking my pictures, despite the scorching sun and the blazing hot weather, I had fun. Thanks sis!

Oh and did I mention that I have finally learned how to play pool? Thanks to Luqman and Asyraf, who knows pool can be so fun! Hung out with them along with Nik and Zulaikha the night before I got back here. But I must admit it wasn't easy and I genuinely think I looked like a bimbo that night when they taught me. I'm looking forward to playing pool with these guys again and getting better at it.

Home is as sweet as ever. Sumptuous meals from my mum, air-conditioned room, high-speed internet (like God, finally, I've missed Youtube!) , and of course spending some quality time with my family. But of course I miss my friends back in Subang, see you crazy people soon.

Note to self : Get your laundry done, and read more.

Outfit details:

See-through loose shirt from IAmJetFuel Shop

Skinny Jeans from MNG

Colourful shawl from a random shawl stall

Owl ring from BUTTONS

Sling leather bag from MNG

Vintage shades from Ray Ban

Platform wedges from random shop

Till then, take care.

600th

2010-10-12T00:35:00.002+08:00

Hello amazing earthlings!

This is officially my 600th post! I have had this blog since 2007, so it has been 3 years, wow time really flies.

These past few days, I think I've realized how fortunate I am, I mean I am grateful for everything, it just that I never really really realized how fortunate I am.

I have a supportive family. Of course my parents can be annoying at times, but aren't parents supposed to be annoying? Jonathan Safran Foer once wrote "One day you're going to do something you hate for someone, that's what family means." I could never agree enough with him.

My dad, he used to be so strict. Not letting me go out with my friends, not letting me do this and that. But as time passed by, I really think my dad has opened up, maybe not that much, but he did, I supposed he has realized that all of his children has grown up, and he should give that little freedom. He still controls us, but somehow in a much approachable way. He might not give me not even a penny whenever I go out with my friends, but he does give me money every month. He told me, I've banked in the money, it's up to you to learn to manage the money that is now yours. Be wise. And eventually I did learn.

My mom, she's probably not the best mother in the world, she nags way too much, sometimes in a very annoying way that we children can hardly take it. But at the end of the day, without her, I won't be able to type these words here on my blog. At the end of the day, my mom fought for my life, I mean she could've died giving birth to me, couldn't she? I guess she's trying her best to raise us up, she cooks magnificently, cleans the house, washes our clothes, and so many things that can't even be compared to those annoying little things she accidentally says when she's mad or angry.

I wanted to go for an exchange students programme since I was young, then in 2007 I found out there's an organization named AFS, that sends students to many countries for this exchange students programme. And so I applied for it, my dad even helped me to fill up the forms, to prepare the essay and whatnot. I made it. I went for the interview, and I was offered to go to Spain for 3 months. But then it was not funded by any scholarship and so my dad had to pay for it. At first I thought of rejecting the offer since it will cost my dad quite a huge sum of money, but then my dad supported me all the way. I still remember the day when I went shopping for the programme. I bought hell lots of things, including my favourite sweater from Nike. God knows how much money my dad has spent on me.

I wanted an SLR camera. Then after I got my SPM result, my dad bought me one.

I wanted a new watch. I got one. Even my other siblings got a new watch each because my dad is all about being fair and whatnot haha.

I wanted good friends in college, and I already have them now.

I have realized that I have so many things. I have achieved so many things. I have most of my wants fulfilled. I feel like God has given me so many things. I genuinely couldn't be thankful enough.

But of course being a human, I keep on wanting things. It's just this time around, I've realized if I don't get what I want, it's because God knows the best.

Alhamdulillah.

Growing up

2010-10-06T01:05:00.002+08:00

My mood has been swinging way too much these past few days.

My heart is hardly at peace and I get emotional effortlessly over petty things.

I wonder what is not right. Then I realize that I hold on too tight on things. My mind is telling me that I am letting go when I am actually doing the exact opposite.

I need to get a grip on reality. This is life, this is growing up all about like it or not. We either let our emotions get the best of us and keep on brooding over the same shit all over again, or we can accept things, let go of the bad memories and take them as priceless experiences and be thankful for we actually had the chance to experience them.

This isn't about whether you're an optimist, a pessimist or a realist.

It's about appreciating and living life.

I feel much better now, to whom it may concerned I love you guys.

So when shit happens, think of things that make you happy!

Hugs hugs hugs.

Musical, Theatrical

2010-10-01T15:31:00.006+08:00

Howdy sweethearts, I hope everyone's doing dandy.

So last night I went to Istana Budaya to watch Tun Mahathir Musical with my friends including my boys, Saddiq and Aqmal! Hanging out with them is always fun, because with them I always feel like I'm home, thank you guys, ♥

The musical was all in all alright, probably wasn't the best, but it was my first time watching musical performance and I really think it's interesting! The storyline for Tun Mahathir Musical could be better though. Ahh but watching the musical, I really missed Tun Mahathir. He has done so many things to this country and I couldn't be grateful enough to have him as a leader.

Oh well, may God bless you Tun.

And me being a major camwhore, of course I took way too many pictures! Had a blast doing so. Here are some of the pictures, more on my Facebook.

Yours truly and Loq

Yours truly and Aqmal

Saddiq and yours truly

And I finally had a chance to take pictures for my lookbook, and now I've a new look posted on my lookbook:

Click hype if you like this look, ♥

Till then, take care people.

Gotta run and get ready for Hari Raya Celebration in my college!

Wazzzzupppppp

2010-09-29T12:52:00.004+08:00

Wazzzzupppppppppp (Y)

I'm now at my college library. Searching info for my Math, Economics and Malaysia Studies presentations, which is so far not that fruitful I'm afraid. And so I get bored and took some pictures with my webcam and so I thought I might as well update my blog and now here I am, blogging.

I have got so many things to do this week! Which has somehow reminded me of my high school life, those times when I was busy with debates, public speaking competitions, clubs and all that jazz. But in college it's worse. But then again, this whole so-many-things-to-do-in-so-little-time somehow makes my college life fun, being busy with friends, karaoke-ing to leash our exhaustion and stress, or just simply singing on top of our lungs in the car. I am going to miss these moments once I'm in Aussie.

Oh well, it's 1 PM now, I have my English class at 2.3o PM. Gotta run now! Lunch time!

xxoo

PS: Tun Dr Mahathir's musical theater this Thursday! With Nurul, Saddiq, Aqmal, and Nik! So stoked to meet my boys! Teeheeeeee ♥

Because sometimes caring enough to try is enough

2010-09-26T09:16:00.004+08:00

"I may not have the softest touch, I may not say the words and such, and though I may not look like much, but I'm yours"

Morning sweethearts, hugs from me, I hope everyone will have a blessed Sunday today.

I've been having some bad hair days these past few days. My heart was aching, like literally it was aching. Everything was at fault. I couldn't even smile. I don't know why, I guess the best excuse I can make is blame the hormones? Emotional mood swings shit. And it really sucked to lose such a vast amount of positive vibes and to absorb those negative vibes.

But, it seems like now my hormones are stable. Or at least they are stabilizing, since I can actually smile and laugh pleasingly and happily. Of course those negative thoughts are still somewhere in my mind and heart, but now they seem to be pretty much oblivious and insignificant to me.

Anyways, not that it matters. The world is still spinning and the sun is still shining no matter how bad my days are. So, if you happen to have a bad hair day, keep your chin up! Things will be alright and you'll be okay, at least that's what I can hope and wish.

Oh and I've been listening to The Script these past few days, and they really have good songs. I couldn't agree enough with most of their lyrics. And their lyrics fit the melody and rhythm of the songs perfectly. For The First Time, Breakeven, I'm Yours, Before The Worst, are some of my favourites.

Next week will be an eventful one for me!

Let's see I have my Malaysian Studies presentation on Malaysia's economy and Tun Dr Mahathir's contribution on Monday/Wednesday. I have my Islamic Studies exam on Tuesday which I haven't studied a single thing yet. Then Thursday night, I'll be watching a musical theater on Tun Dr Mahathir's life at Istana Budaya, with my boys, Saddiq and Aqmal, God knows how stoked and excited I am to meet them!

Then on Friday I'll be having a Hari Raya Celebration organised by Sahabat Society of Sunway University College whereby I will perform along with my group mates. Speaking of that, we have yet started our practices for the performance! And on Saturday I'll be going on a trip to Kampung Orang Asli, for our community service which is organized under Malaysian Studies.

While today itself I'll be going to my friend's open house. I have yet figured out what to wear!

Anywho, with so many things to do in such a short period of time, I have grievously lost my reading time. I need my quality time with my books, speaking of which, I have like eight books pending and waiting to be read, three of them are from the library and the rest are mine.

Sometimes, scratch that, most of the times I love my books more than I love people. But then again, books are written by people. The irony of life never ceased to amaze me. I guess no matter how much I dislike people, I can't deny the fact that we humans are dependent and we are highly related to each other.

I should really start reading and studying for my Islamic Studies exam. And to end this post, I want to post something I read on Tumblr yesterday :

"I like cute guys. not necessarily the hottest guy, but the one that’s clumsy and crazy and always makes me smile. You know what I mean? Like he might not be Abercrombie potential, but he still has all my attention. No, not in the show-off type of way, but in the I’m-totally-cool-with-who-I-am kind of way. Like, he can smile at me and I know we were meant for this, for us. It would be like, he wouldn’t always know what to say and when to say it, but he would want to. because sometimes caring enough to try is enough. And for us it would be. He’d be spontaneous, always doing something I would have never expected would make me fall in love. The kind of guy that is so proud to be yours. The kind that has an amazing family that you feel at home with. You know, the kind of guy that is your best friend, but the only person you could ever see yourself with at the same time. He would love me for everything I am, for real, not just say it like everyone else always does. He would mean it and I wouldn’t have to think twice to know he was telling the truth. And maybe we’d be exact opposites, but that would make our relationship great. Working at it. Because without the work, it wouldn’t really be worth it."

-Via poeticheartache.tumblr.com

I seriously couldn't agree enough ♥

Till then, take care people.

We're not the same.

2010-09-23T00:41:00.007+08:00

Blogging, reading, singing and playing my guitar, eating and praying are things I do when I feel unhappy. Or when I feel anything but fine. I've played my guitar and sung a couple of songs, I've prayed, I've read a few pages of Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman, now I am blogging. The only thing I have yet done is eating. Well if it's not obvious, I am feeling a tad unhappy now.

Honestly? I don't even know what is wrong with me.

It seems like I am losing those positive vibes and the optimism I've always had. I've been absorbing a prodigious amount of negative vibes these past few days, that's the least description I can give on how I am feeling now, pessimistic. It is really no one's fault. I don't know if this is some kind of PMS or mood swings or unstable hormones, I just don't like what I am feeling.

I know I should be grateful for there are way unfortunate people out there. I know. I am being grateful. But I am sorry sometimes I really can't help it. A plethora of thoughts have been knocking, scratch that, bashing my mind to one point where I can't keep on being positive despite how it has been my strength all this time. Because my heart is not made of steel you see. And things don't really go the way we want them to go all the time.

This nameless feeling I'm having now is really sickening. It comes and goes all the time. Perhaps I think too much, a bit too much for my normal human mind could take. And so when it reaches the limit, the walls I've built tumble down. Yeah, let's just put it that way.

Being around people makes me think excessively. I am not suggesting I should live in the jungle with the lovely animals (or maybe this is exactly what I should do?) , it's just that being around people sometimes really wears me out.

I'll keep on acting and pretending I'm doing fine. To the extent I forgot that I actually am doing the exact opposite. It has always been like that, well most of the times. Yeah, I should do that. That, and keep myself busy, and focus on things that make me happy i.e books and the fact that I am going to watch Paramore live soon.

Oh crap. Now I am having this mild headache. I despise headache. I should just hit the hay now, but I've slept around 6PM just now and woke up at 10PM, so now I just couldn't sleep, not that I don't want to.

Anywho I was browsing on Tumblr to find a picture for this post, but as pathetic as how I'm feeling now, I couldn't find the right one. But as fortunate as I am to be able to live, I've found this one post that really has made me feel a miles away from well whatever bad/unhappy feelings I am feeling. The post is titled "Have The Courage To Be Alone". I've reblogged it on my tumblr, I am going to post it on here too :

"I pity people who can’t be alone. Solitude is the most important thing in life, if you ask me. You need to be able to be alone. When I am alone, I come up with new, creative ideas. When I am with other people I end up thinking what they think, I end up doing what they do. My father once told me: “If you walk after the herd, you walk through the shit.” It is not one of the most subtle sayings, but I believe it to be true. Don’t walk after other people, make your own path.

The truth is, you are going to be alone in your life. There is no escaping it. You can be scared to death everytime it happens, you can panic, cry and feel sorry for yourself. Or you can make sure you are used to being alone. You can make sure you know how to take care of yourself. You can make sure you enjoy being alone. It will make your life easier and you might find out that you don’t think what everybody else thinks. Maybe you don’t feel what everybody else feels. Maybe you are unique.

I need to be alone a lot. If I have to be around other people all day long I go crazy and I end up not knowing who I am. I am not saying you have to be lonely. Have friends, have fun. But don’t think you will die if you ever end up being alone in a room. Being alone is not scary.

Cherish your solitude. "

-http://incapacityinc.tumblr.com/

Thank you to whoever who wrote this, you have made me feel better. Hugs.

I know how I always advice people to keep being strong, be positive, things happen for reasons, all those words. I know. But we humans are of giving advices to others that we ourselves couldn't really take them once shit hit us right on our face.

I am not giving up. It's just that I guess at some point the faith I usually have has gone so that I could find it back and be stronger. I'll be stronger, I hope.

At the end of the day, things will be alright.

Hopefully.

I should now read, then sleep. Or try to at least.

Hugs ♥

Oh yes, so much of a holiday eh?

2010-09-17T23:50:00.006+08:00

Time really does fly, doesn't it?

I'm going back to college soon, and by soon I mean like in one day's time. I miss Subang Jaya, but no, not those buckets of assignments and workloads. Speaking of college, I really think I haven't made any productive actions regarding my assignments and my studies. I'm a dead meat. Math test next week, I'll be dead. I know some of you will say cut some slack and chill out. Tell you what, I've cut way too many slacks and I've chilled out way too much that I'm literally frozen.

It's like I've got too many things to do which can't be completed in one week's time. I didn't even get to meet some of my old friends whom I've been wanting to meet. Yeah, thanks to my beloved and understanding parents. And the ample time I had. Pun intended.

God.

Nonetheless, I had a good holiday. The past few days had been eventful. Which I know I should probably blog on them, but hey I am not the one in charge with the solar system and the speed of earth rotation around the Sun. I seriously didn't have the time. That, and also my long gone blogging mojo which I've yet found.

So first and foremost, Happy Malaysia Day! ♥

I know I am way late, but better late than never, no?

I mentioned this before on Facebook, but I am going to say this again. I may love to shop in Europe and those beautiful places there, I may be a true supporter for Spain in World Cup, I may be furthering my studies to Australia soon, I may be travelling the world one fine day well because it has been my dream, but nothing, nada, can beat my true home, Malaysia. (:

Secondly, on the same date, 16th of September, my little brother, Aqib celebrated his 11th birthday. So, I want to genuinely wish him Happy Birthday, all the best in your future and may Allah bless. I gave him this board game called Pictureka as his birthday gift.

It took him like an hour in Toys 'R Us to pick his birthday gift. But well, I can actually understand that. I can relate that to the situation where I need to pick which clothes/shoes/bags/books to buy, especially when there's sales going on.

And finally today, I met and hung out with Afiq! Along with my sisters and Faeez. It has really been ages since I last hung out with Afiq, and it was good meeting him again and hearing his lame jokes all over again, :')

Afiq & yours truly

We watched the new movie, Devil before having our lunch in Seoul Garden. The movie was pretty good. The food was sumptuous. I had a splendid time. Thanks guys.

Oh and I accidentally did a little shopping. Found this gorgeous military jacket, and this stripes jacket with these anchor thingy, along with long black dress. I JUST HAD TO BUY THEM. But the length of the black dress wasn't really the one I expected it to be, it was a tad short, but hm I'll wear it with my gladiators. I've tried them on, it looks alright not as funny/hideous as I thought it would be so I hope it doesn't look funny to you people.

Also, updated my lookbook! Do click hype if you like it :-)

I actually have so many new pictures, but I am feeling super lazy now so yeah do check them out on my facebook if you want to.

Till then, take care people.

Click to enlarge, and read it.

2010-09-13T21:58:00.005+08:00

Via Tumblr

Second post of the day. I just NEED to post this on here. It's amazingly and beautifully written, I envy Jonathan Safran Foer for his prodigious talent in writing. He's a genius. Click to enlarge, and read it.

Should I or Should I Not?

2010-09-13T21:17:00.007+08:00

Via Tumblr

I had a wonderful day today, special thanks to Faeez, Saddiq, Pnut, and Azri.

We finally met up today and hung out, initially at Tebrau City to accompany Faeez to watch Resident Evil Afterlife. The movie was pretty fascinating, I was amazed with the slow-motion thingy they did in the movie, kudos. I rate the movie 4/5. Faeez was so enthusiastic about the movie. He literally kept on talking about the movie for like half an hour after the movie? Probably because he plays the game, so yeah adrenalines rush much?

After the movie, we went to City Square to have our lunch at Seoul Garden. The food was pleasantly scrumptious. I would have eaten much more if it wasn’t for my stomach that was bloated and could actually explode if I kept on eating.

We then walked around, to the bookstore and to some shops. Nothing was really attractive enough for me to buy. Thank god. I finally managed to not to buy anything since I always accidentally buy something whenever I go out. So yeah, what an achievement Filzah, a round of applause if you please? (In English accent)

Before I got home, we went to Saddiq’s place for a short raya-visit. His mom was a sweetheart. We talked a bit, then took a group photo thanks to his mom, then home sweet home.

I’ve been missing these people like crazy and to finally hang out with these amazing people today was a bless. I had an extremely divine time with you guys today. Thank you guys for just being who you are, hugs.

Oh and being in JB, I of course am missing my housemates and college mates. If you guys are reading this, I miss you guys, see you soon in one week time. For the meantime, I need to study as Math test is coming after the break. Also my Math presentation regarding the integral system, God, I don’t know how I am going to make people understand what I barely understand. Wish me luck people.

I really want to update this blog more often, but I seem to have this writer's block. Fortunately I went out today, which gives me something to blog on. Need to get back my blogging mojo that has been missing way too long.

Last but not least, of course pictures!

Till then, take care sweethearts, ♥

PS: I’m thinking of trading my Nikon D3000 with Nikon D90, reason being D3000 doesn’t have a motor in it which causes me to pay more to buy more expensive lenses that have motor in them. So, should I or should I not?

PPS: Thanks Saddiq for lending me the books, I’ll protect them like they’re my life!

Happy Eid Mubarak!

2010-09-10T16:54:00.006+08:00

I sincerely and genuinely wish everyone a blessed and pleasant Eid Mubarak. To everyone who knows me, if I happen to offend you in any means I sincerely apologize. Thanks dad for the cheque, and thanks mum for cooking those scrumptious food. I hope behind those new clothes, yummy food, and duit raya, all of us can realize how fortunate and lucky we are to be able to celebrate it with our beloved ones. At the end of the day, it's not how we keep wanting things and getting what we want, but to make the best out of everything that comes along in our lives.

Again, Happy Eid Mubarak loves!

♥

PS: More pictures on my facebook account, link on the right side bar :-)

Bust Your Windows

2010-09-05T17:11:00.006+08:00

I have quite a number of things to talk about. I just couldn’t find the time to blog it all out.

Now where should I start?

Step Up 3 was epic. I’ve watched it twice, and I really don’t mind if anyone asks me to watch it again for the third time. It’s definitely my current favourite movie. I have always been a fan of Adam Sevani and I was so happy to see a lot of moves from him in Step Up 3 compared to his role in Step Up 2. All the dance choreographies and the dancers in the movie were hands down jaw-dropping. The soundtrack was pretty good, I now have Club Can’t Handle Me, This Girl, and Bust Your Windows playing again and again on my head. It was really, genuinely an epic movie, well in my opinion. I still can’t get over how awesome this movie was until now. Go watch it yourself and tell me what you think! :-)

Last Friday, I went out with Aqmal, after like ages since our last hang out. I met a couple of his friends, Yazid and Izuddin. I had a splendid time hanging out with those boys despite how ridiculous the movie “Piranha”, that we watched that day was. Took lots of pictures, see more on my “Featuring People” album on my facebook. Some of the pictures :

Yours truly, Izuddin and Yazid

Aqmal and yours truly

Aqmal, Izuddin, and yours truly

Anywho, almost everyone I know is now home. Obviously, except me. I will only be back in JB this coming Wednesday, which is like three days more, and God it feels like three years or something. I miss my buddies and I am so stoked to meet them soon. Can’t wait! ♥

On a different note, I finally get my forum for English done. Well, almost done to say at least. Presentation will be on Wednesday, my group is going to talk on “Euthanasia As An Alternative For Terminally Ill People”. God please let everything be fine. Speaking of college, Miss Santhi our Math lecturer told us there will be a test after Hari Raya Holiday. I honestly freaked out. But oh well, wish me luck.

Here comes the highlight of the post, which I am pretty sure will also be the highlight of my life in this year. I am pretty sure everyone now knows that Paramore is coming to Malaysia this 19th October.

Guess what :

HECK YEAH I AM FREAKING GOING. THIS PRECIOUS TICKET ABOVE IS MINE, BOUGHT IT YESTERDAY FINALLY. I’VE BEEN WAITING SINCE FOREVER TO WATCH PARAMORE LIVE AND FINALLY THANK GOD THEY’RE COMING. GUESS WHERE I’LL BE STANDING DURING THE CONCERT? LOOK AT THE PICTURE BELOW.

I’LL BE STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STAGE, YEAH YOU SEE THAT RED BOX STATING PS1 ROCKZONE, I’LL BE STANDING THERE! OHHHH YESS YOU CAN TELL HOW EXCITED I AM! HENCE, THE CAPITAL LETTERS. TEEEEEHEEEEEEE

I.NEED.TO.CALM.DOWN.

Exhaling.

I have always admired Hayley Williams, been watching her live shows on Youtube all the time, now I finally get the chance to see her perform right in front of my eyes, so heck yes I am freaking thrilled and excited.

That's all for now I guess.

Till then, take care everyone. (: