Lonely was the song I sang, 'till the day you came.

This feeling I am feeling now, it’s like…I couldn’t fathom the right words to describe it, oh well.

I have John Mayer’s live show of Slow Dancing in a Burning Room playing as I am typing this, such voice, blissful. Anyways, back to this feeling I am feeling.

It’s like when you are familiar with the roads in this one place. And then one day you left that place, only to find you went back to that same place years after the day you left it. But because you are so familiar with that place for it used to give you significant emotions and memories, you could still remember some of the roads. Not a clear picture of them, but pieces of them, here and there. You sort of know where are the dead ends, this path brings you to this path, may not be accurate, but you have that feeling of familiarity, feeling that makes you tell yourself I know this place. And then despite knowing which road leads you to a dead end, when the day you came back to that place came, you still took on the road though you knew it will lead you to a dead end. You were not sure whether you will be led to a dead end, because you couldn’t quite remember, but you took on that road nonetheless hoping for miracles. Hoping for your memory of that place to be wrong and that there is another door waiting at the end of the road.

That is what I sort of feeling now. I came back to that same place. I should have known the path I took will lead me to a dead end, but I wasn’t sure, so I went on and hoping for miracles to happen. I went on believing that miracles happen every day and who knows if one fine day miracles strike into my life. I went on grasping not too tightly on sheer hope but strong enough not to let go. So here I am feeling whatever this feeling is named as.

I would like to believe that I am just over thinking things, like I always do. But that wouldn’t change what I am feeling now anyways so why bother. I would like to believe that this is just another PMS moments, and I will get back on the track of optimism and happiness and yeah you know what I am saying, and I hope I am right.

“Because I don't want to end up telling myself, I wish he knew.

But then again I have always known that I will end up telling myself, I wish he knew. “