I'm a Wallflower

“Just tell me how to be different in a way that makes sense. To make this all go away. And disappear. I know that's wrong, because it's my responsibility, and I know things have to get worse before they get better. I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they are here. If they like their jobs. Or us. I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day. And how they cope with having three quizzes and a book report. On top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why. Especially since I know that if they went to another school, the person who had their heart broken would have had their heart broken by somebody else, so why does it have to be personal? It's much easier to not know things sometimes. Things change and friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people. You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to be who I really am. And I'm going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. I don't know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it's okay to feel things. I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite.”

― Stephen Chbosky

The Perks of Being A Wallflower is one of my all time favourite books which I can emotionally relate to whenever I read it (yes I have a habit of reading my favourite books more than once). I can't quite explain how exactly it is like. But I honestly think deep down, I am actually a wallflower.

Maybe It's All In Your Mind

Hi.

I finished reading Sophie Kinsella's I've Got Your Number a few days ago, after ages of leaving behind my stuck-in-bed-reading-chick-lits era. Behind all the sweetness and cuteness and the attractive fictional characters that Kinsella has come up with in the novel, I found myself a number of lines that hit me hard, mentally and emotionally. One of my favourite lines from the novel sounds like this ;

"Was I really insecure or was it all just in my mind?"

Whimsical and witty Kinsella has brilliantly and subtly inserted some kind of what I feel an important message. A message that is closely related to the never ending issue that over-thinking, emotional, over-analysing, and unnecessarily meticulous girls, like me always face ---insecurities.

I mean seriously. If over thinking was some kind of a talent, I would be a damn talented girl. And it's not like I intend to do so. It is just one of the things in life that comes naturally. My mind can go from a pair of shoes to how many cats I will have to accompany me once I turn thirty if I don't settle down because I don't meet the right guy. Yes, my mind does wonders. Like nobody's business. And then I will get all emotional and think pointless trivial things (shitload of them) and waste time (that I can't get back obviously) and then end up tweeting about it. Life.

And then one fine day I stumbled upon this line that hit me hard. So I asked myself, 'Am I really insecure, or is it all just in my mind?'

Brilliant Kinsella is brilliant. One hell of a reminder I must say. If over thinking was some kind of a talent, and that I would be one damn talented girl, I should have made full use of my talent now shouldn't I? If my mind does wonders, I should let it strengthen my self-confidence instead of letting it undermining my self-confidence. I mean of course it is completely normal to feel like you're not good enough every now and then, but to allow that pernicious, evil, unhealthy, and self-destructing feeling controlling your life, nope you can't do that. It is all really in your mind. I guess I tend to forget this. Just one of the things you forget every once in a while once you are so busy.....growing up. And to be reminded through a wonderful (understatement) novel, I couldn't be more happier. Just one of the countless perks of reading.

Find a book and start reading now if you haven't done so please, you will be surprised with the amount of things you will learn. It doesn't matter if you read just a page per day, it is, what I feel, a privilege to be able to spend even just five minutes reading. Make use of your ability to read people. Thousands are illiterate and dying to learn how to read out there. And there you are. Ever thought on how much different you are from them the illiterates?

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”

― Fran Lebowitz

A week, it has been.

Today marks a week I've been in Melbourne, Australia.

And it has been so far so good. This might sound like it's to early to tell but I love Melbourne already! The weather here can get all haywire, but Melbourne is still a lovely place to me.

Classes will commence this coming Monday, and Spanish will be my very first class. Looking forward to meeting new people and speaking Spanish again, along the way reminiscing and reliving my memories when I was in Spain.

I've been wanting to update this blog of mine with pictures and stories and stuff. But I've been busy settling things, running errands, registering classes, arranging my timetable and exploring Melbourne. I have a feeling that it will take me ages to get how the public transportation here works, also the fact that I suck at navigations/maps/directions does not help much I must say. I thank God for having Nik here with me hahaha. I'd be like completely lost if it weren't for her.

And to be honest my Instagram is gradually replacing this blog of mine, I guess that happens once you have Internet on your iPhone. I don't quite like the idea of how I've been slowly abandoning the habit of writing, it's frustrating really when you want to write, just anything only to end up mulling over on what you should write instead of writing them out. What's new anyway.

My to-do-list (for now) :

• To decorate my Wall of Awesomeness
• To not be socially awkward when meeting new people
• To believe in myself
• To start cooking and stop dining out

Till then, I shall see you soon in my next update!